Unlucky
by chry.carrey
Summary: Sequel to Words. What happens when she's gone. How do you move on? How did Bella do it? How did Jake survive? Where do I go from here? Quil's questions to himself after. Rated M mostly for Language
1. Chapter 1

I'm breathing. I'm aware of that. But why is it so physically painful to do so? I inhale and exhale once more. My lungs feel tights and sore.

I flip my pillow over to the cool side, but keep my arms reached up above my head. My eyes are tight and sore too. I'm still so tired. I just lie there, the breeze coming in from my open window blows across my exposed skin. My muscles don't want to move, and I have no will to move them either, I just lie in immobility, sleep unable to overcome me anymore.

And I begin to wonder why I feel like complete shit. Ah yes that's it. Claire. Pain surges me the moment I think about her.

How much I love her-happiness.

How much she hates me- pain.

I lie in my bed for a while longer, what seems like hours but I know it must only be a few minutes. Every moment, knowing she doesn't really want to see me ever again, disgusted with what I am, seems like an hour. It's dragged out. An involuntary rumble surges from deep within my chest.

A knock at the door sounds. "Quil," my dad's voice calls quietly. Every inch of my body hoped that no one had told him about any of this yet. My door creaks open, but I don't dare move or speak fearing that anything I would do would open up Pandora's box.

"Embry called you cell and you didn't pick up," my dad says in a husky voice. "He said he needs you out right away."

I didn't move.

"Quil get your ass out of bed."

The door practically slams shut. I know that Embry's edict was pretty much a command, and I cannot feel the power to resist it. Slowly, cringing at the soreness of my muscles, I sit up in my bed. As my consciousness evolves I remember the day before, and how I ended up in this predicament. I try not to think about the source of it, her, but it's so prominent it hurts to remember. She left in her car, and I exploded, right then and there. That hadn't happened in years. And Embry saw it all in my thoughts, and called me to see him.

Embry was up at the top cliff. The one that we used to jump off of as stupid kids. The one we still jump off of. Instead of talking I walked straight to the edge of the cliff and jumped off, hoping in someway that because the fall couldn't kill me, my body would at least release some endorphins making the current situation better.

The fall was no help. It just brought on more pain when I hit the water in a weird way. Embry jumped in after me, dragging me to the beach, making sure I wouldn't try to drown myself. Instead of staying to talk to him, I just turned to walk away.

"Cut the shit," I heard him mutter under his breath, but I ignored it. There were worse things than Embry being an ass on my mind. I continued to walk until I reached home, where I climbed in bed, hoping that sleep would just take me away.

I couldn't think of it anymore. Those first few hours involved so many involuntary phases no wonder my entire body was sore. Slowly I pull myself up to stand, to face the day. The first day without her. Without Claire.

I throw on a pair of sweats, not bothering to shower. My house is empty. Dad must have left. Running instead of using my truck, because there are just too many things I see when I look at it. Her. Rain. I phase instantly, without control. The anger ripples through me too fast, I don't begin shaking anymore. I just phase.

_Quil, come. _Embry's thoughts command me to obey.

Reluctantly I do so. Just because I have to do what he says, doesn't mean I have to do it in a timely manner. Composing myself, I phase back so that I can't feel anymore of his commands.

Human, I feel her more. Her face flashes in front of my eyes every time I come back to this form. Her face when she stepped into the car that last time. It's just her face. Her sleek, black hair covering her cheek. I cringe. My eyebrows creasing together, frustrated, know I can't touch her, can't make it better. No.

Slowly I make my way towards where I saw Embry, out in the woods up in the mountain top. Pacing myself seems monotonous, but every moment seems long. Has it really been only a day? Less than a day? Just hours?

"Quil," a voice calls from behind me. It's sound is knowledgeable and understanding. I recognize it. Leah.

Turning to face her, she continues to walk up slowly behind me. She's got that look I hate. The one that says, "I understand." At least Embry didn't give me that look, but I concluded that it would be what the rest of the pack would do. They'd give me that look.

"Hey," she smiles weakly. "When I switched shifts with Embry this morning instead of you, I heard. You okay?"

Her question seems genuine but not intrusive. She knows that I wouldn't have to talk, if we were both wolves she'd be able to hear if it was true.

Jake had once told me that Leah was supportive in the whole Bella situation. Was I her second attempt at putting the whole relationship thing into perspective? I'm not sure I want to be.

We begin to walk. She was obviously called to Embry as well, as I note that she walks slightly in front of me, leading the way.

"Leah?" I ask, my voice deeper, horse from the day and night before.

"Hmm?" she responds slowing her pace slightly, falling next to my side.

""I'm sorry if I'm out of line asking you this, and I know I already know a lot of this, but," I exhale before continuing. "Does seeing Sam still hurt you? Or has it gone away?"

I appraise her face trying to predict what she would say before she would answer. She's not shocked at all be my question. Her face doesn't read anything beyond what it had a few minutes prior, like she had been expecting my question.

"The truth is, it's gotten easier. The pain has faded. It's still a sore spot for me to see Sam and Emily together, but it's not as bad as it once was. I can be happy for them, while living my own life. And if I could, and I am trying to, I would stop phasing so that I could continue back where I was. I'd leave La Push. Move on like Jake's sister. Live somewhere else, to fully heal. Really all it is now is a scar, but not a wound," Leah says. Her response seems like she knew what it would be before I had asked it.

I was relieved. I had already waited eighteen years to tell her I loved her. Another eighteen and I would be healed, like Leah. Scarred but healed. "So it's almost twenty years to get there. Good I can hold out that long," I say, even though I know that the rejection is practically killing me less than a day in, I'll just take it.

"Quil I don't think it will just be eighteen years for you," Leah sighs. "I didn't imprint on Sam. Yes, I loved him but my life wasn't solely attached to his. I learned to live, learned to breathe without him. You- you have a different problem. She's how your life is attached to this world. Although I can't fully understand, I somewhat do from what I can hear in the pack's thoughts. You can't stop loving her."

Her reasoning seems legit. And I hate it. Hate that I know she's right. "Okay," I manage to get out.

After a few more minutes of walking at our measured pace, I feel the need to thank Leah but I don't know how. We've never had a relationship beyond the pack. Slowly I reach my hand out and take hers. She squeezes back.

"Leah," I say once more. "Why haven't you moved on? I mean like started to date around?"

"I'm not sure I want to," she answers my question calmly.

Realization hit me. "You're scared that if you start to date someone and then imprint you'll hurt someone like Sam hurt you, aren't you."

"Quil, I thought you had already come to this conclusion. It took you almost twenty years to figure this out?" she laughs lightheartedly.

"I guess I already knew that," I concede. "So I guess the real question is will you let yourself love or be loved."

"Yes, Quil. That's always been the question."

We reached the peak now, and Leah and I dropped hands to walk a little distance apart so that we could phase in privacy. My respect for Leah in the last hour had increased to an unprecedented level.

_Took you long enough_. Embry's thoughts sarcastically remarked.

Sorry. Leah apologizes.

I see in Embry's head his conversation telling Paul, Jared, and Sam about what happened. I cringe at his memory of how I looked in those first moments. In those first hours. I wondered if I still look the same to him.

_Yes. _Embry and Leah both reply to my thought.

_Quil, I don't know what to do here. We've got a lot to deal with besides your situation. _He doesn't think this coldly but it still feels like a stab wound.

_You know that the catalyst for us to become werewolves is the vampires. We haven't been running across them as much in recent years. After that huge pack we had, and those who stopped phasing we're down to just us, Seth and Mark. I think Mark was a fluke. We're are the last pack for a while. _Embry paces as he tells us this. Both Leah and I see that this thought process was not ignited by Embry on his own. It was through Sam.

_What about Jacob?_ Leah wonders.

_He'd fight with us if it came down to it, but not against the Cullen's, and he's not here to protect the reservation on a daily basis._

I simply can't deal with a pack talk right now. I want to go back to my bed and sleep. My mind can't focus. It's like I'm an addict. Addicted to a drug. Claire is my drug. And I'm going cold turkey. I have to see her.

_You won't go anywhere. _Embry's power of Alpha falls upon me as I turn to walk away. I can't move. Paralyzed.

My blood pulses in rage behind my ears. _You want to know what? We never addressed this. When are we actually going to talk about how you became Alpha? How is that? I had more blood than you. It should have been me. _My anger comes through my thoughts and I growl at Embry.

_You must be really oblivious. _Leah chuckles, barking. _He's the bastard son. You knew that Quil. Don't be stupid. _

_Leah. _Embry scolds. _The only reason it's not you, Quil, is because I'm older. You and I have equal blood. I'm just older. I phased before you. _

I guess that is logical. Leah lays down on the ground and shuts up for once. I shouldn't talk about her like that. She's actually a good addition to the pack.

_Quil, I know you've got a lot to deal with right now, but the council wants to address the situation. You will be there tomorrow, if I have to kill you and drag your dead body there or not. _Embry commands. I know I have to obey. _Other than that Quil, I relieving you of duty. You're distracted. I don't need an accident happening right now. I'm sorry that this happened. Summer hasn't talked to me, nor will she return my calls. _

I growl. _Don't talk to Summer. Don't talk to Claire. Just don't. Embry, if you ever talk to Summer or Claire again, I'll be bringing your dead ass body back to the council. _My threat is strong and Embry doesn't seem like he's going to fight back.

_Fine. _Embry agrees, acting more as a friend now than the Alpha.

I walk away now, even as a wolf my muscles are sore. Once I'm out of Leah's view, I phase back and pull on my sweats. I need to be alone in my mind right now. I hope for numbness but it doesn't come. The only way I feel okay, is when I'm sleeping.

I remember her words. "I can't handle the supernatural stuff," she had said. I remember Jake and Bella. I remember first meeting Bella, how beautiful I thought she was. Jealous of Jake for getting to be with her. Learning that she was broken. How her bloodsucker, Edward left her, how hurt she looked. And then she became happy with Jake. I felt like Bella right now.

And then Jake told me that she was good with the weird stuff, the supernatural. Well I guess she had to be now that she was one of them. My nose cringes in disgust, in memory of their sweet smell.

And I think of Jake when that filthy bloodsucker came back for her. How hurt he was. How he left how he ran. Running.

It was the best idea I had ever had. I would run, like Jake did. Not wanting for Embry to hear my plan I run human back to my house. I leave a note for my Dad, telling him that Jake would know where I was.

As I leave out my door of my house for the last time, I see a bag. A white plastic one filled with my old sweats. They smell like her. I collapse in front of them. IT was really over. She had returned all my clothes, all the sweatshirts that I had ever lent her so that she wouldn't be cold. I pictured her shivering now without them.

Calming myself so that I wouldn't phase and Embry wouldn't be able to see my plan, I stumble to stand. Taking a few deep breaths, I begin to walk, then jog, then run, to the edge of La Push, through the woods, up the mountains, soaked in the rain, ten miles until I slow to take a break. Then I phase, and Leah's thoughts are the only ones I hear.

_I get it._ She thinks and then is mute.

_Thanks, Leah. You won't go running to him will you?_ I ask skeptical.

_No, because if it were me I'd do the same. _

_Thanks. _I say and then her thoughts are gone, obviously phased back to her human form.

I can fully grasp my full speed now, and I keep running north, as far as I can. I muscles still ache, but I their pain is nothing compared to the pain I feel when I think of Claire. I plan to make myself as tired as possible so that when I do stop to sleep, I'll be too tired to think anymore.

The rhythmic pattern of my paws pound against the ground and I pretend that is a song, the beat of a drum, at least so I think less about her.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Yay! School is almost out, forever! Which means that I can write more often. (lucky you!)**

**I had always planned on this being in Quil's perspective, so it's a nice change for me. Writing in first person can get boring for me if I'm stuck with one character for too long. Anyways I hope you enjoyed I hope to have another chapter out within the week. **

**c.c**


	2. Brothers

**A/N: **

**oh I'm sorry for the wait. I promise I'll never take that long again. Schools out...which means more time to write. Alas here it it...**

**(I'm also working on a one shot to explain Embry's parentage). :]**

* * *

I knew I had made it to Canada, beyond that I slept, too tired to go on. Eyes still closed, I feel something near me. Not something, someone. Shit. Leah told.

_Leah didn't say she wouldn't tell me. _That's not a voice I hear in my head everyday, or was it in my head. It sounds vaguely human. Wait it is human. Slowly opening my eyes, I see what exactly is going on.

_Jake what the hell are you doing here? _I think annoyed.

"You're going to have to phase for me to actually hear you. I'm not in the mood to go wolf right now," Jake says.

He's sitting a few feet away, bare chest wearing those ratty old cut off jeans. I stand and phase, just for the convenience of being able to tell him off. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"You know I told you running would never really help right?" Jake says in a kind manner. I wonder if he's anticipating me kicking his ass or not. He rolls his eyes, the stares me down. "Put some clothes on."

I only do so because it's uncomfortable to be nude around someone when they're not. "You never answered my question," I scold him, hate running through my voice.

"First things first," he says patting the ground next to him for me to sit.

I sigh, sitting down roughly beside him, bending up my knees and wrapping my arms around them. "You know I don't want to talk right now?"

"We're not having a conversation. We're having a history lesson."

Until now I was pretty sure that Jake was never going to grow up. But now he's acting all fucking adult. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Since when is he a grown up.

"A long time ago, the Cullen's and I left. And after Sam stopped phasing, Leah and Seth, they went back to the original pack. And Brady, Colin, and all the rest stopped phasing as well and went on with their lives. The only one's who stayed had a reason to stay," Jake pauses for a moment to sigh. "I continued to phase because of Nessie. Embry's too attached to give it up, though I think he's getting close to wanting to, but he knows that you'd be alpha. And in your current state, he's not going to allow that to happen. Leah, well I never thought she'd be one to stay. She told me once that she was going to stop phasing as soon as possible, and here she is, werewolf to this day.

"Which brings me to you. You stayed because of Claire," he says matter-of-factly. "Now that we've got those facts established, here's your history lesson. When I ran away from Bella, from everything, nothing got better. I was just running in circles. Which is why I'm not going to allow you to run away and mope."

"Jake, there's one essential difference in that little history lesson. You didn't imprint on her," I say, not looking at him. I continue to look straight ahead in to the forest surroundings.

"True," Jake breathes. "But being here, does it make it feel like she's any further away?"

He had a point. She felt closer than ever just thinking about her. But thinking of her brought back the memory of her face when she stepped into that car. How her dark hair covered her cheek. How I resisted the urge to run over and tuck it behind her ear. Shaking I try to breath to recover from the anger the memories bring forward. I remember that phasing back and forth that quickly was making my muscles ache.

Jake appraises me for a moment, his face reading part compassion, part satisfaction that he had made a point. He reaches his arm next to me out and places his hand on my shoulder. For a long moment we're still. For me I am locked in the memory of her words that final time, but Jake seems to be locked in a memory too, but it doesn't look as if he's pained by it.

"Now, I'm here to drag you back home," he begins, standing up and stretching. "And I know you don't want to come with me, but you're going to. You can't just let the world stop because you want it to. You've got to get ready to teach. Plus, you're going to need to save Leah."

Still sitting, I look up at him questioning. "Save Leah?"

"Yeah, when Embry finds out that you ran off, I'm pretty sure he's going to chew her out real good. So let's not implicate me in that too," he chuckles on the last part.

We phase and begin to run back to La Push. Mark is on patrol for the first twenty minutes that we're running, but his thoughts don't scold me, they just simply recap what Embry's done since I left. First he screamed a little when he figured it out. Then he went out to the bar. Mark didn't detail on what happened after that, just that it involved some blonde girl with an accent.

I'm thankful that Mark's mind is relatively pure. He's good at keeping his thoughts about things to a minimum and never has a personal commentary on everybody else's actions. I wish I didn't rag in him so much for being young and new to the pack. He's a good kid.

The trek back home seemed shorter that the run up to Canada, probably because Embry was at home waiting to rip me a new one. Jake seems complacent to run, but I know that's the thing he loves most about being what we are. He loves the speed, the freedom of running. I wish that I could have that feeling. When I run all I feel is her. Her presence is all around me every time that my paw makes contact with the ground. And she doesn't even like the fact that I am a wolf. She hates what I am. Why do I even return to this form?

_Because if there wasn't the smallest bit of a chance that she would come back to you, you'd want to be her age. _

Leah's voice pops into my head. I really don't know where all this high philosophy comes from, especially from her, but it makes sense.

_And in a time where nothing seems to make logical sense, _she adds.

_You don't have to be smug about it,_ I retort.

She's quiet after that.

Jake and I make it all the way to the reservation before phasing back to human. Human clothes feel so much more natural. I hadn't gone wolf so much in a very long time. Walking feels nice. Somehow now I prefer feet to paws, which is weird because when I first found out about being a wolf, I was so excited. Time apparently changes everything.

We reach the small clustering of green trees just outside the main road, a drizzle of rain falling lightly through the greenery. The moisture enriches the scents in the air, and I smell it sooner than I thought I would in my human body. Almost a group. Two maybe three of them.

Jake senses my tension but remains calm. "It's just Nessie, Edward and Bella."

"They're here?" I exclaim.

"All the Cullen's came, but they're on their own land. Just the three have been on our land and that's because I'm a hypocrite if I get testy about it," he chuckles punching me on the shoulder. "Don't worry, they're just passing through."

"Why are they all here?" I ask after a moment. I'm a little alarmed that the entire group of bloodsuckers would come up here. For all I knew they were spending time in Brazil, studying the rainforest or something.

Jake sighs. "Eh, we're moving up to Alaska with another coven for a while. Then I think Bella and Edward have decided to start up at Dartmouth second semester."

He's so calm with the presence of the Cullen's on a daily basis that I don't know what to do. Even when we ran into Bella and Alice, I felt uneasy. Less with Bella though. I knew her a little when she was human. Even so, his ease with the stench. My nose cringes from this small trail, how could he handle the scent firsthand day after day.

"The same way you are still phasing day after day," Jake says as if he's reading my mind. "Sorry I could tell by the way your nose cringed."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

Jake shrugs. "I mean I stay around Bella and Edward so that I can be with the girl I love. I survive the smell for her." He laughs before continuing, "I barely even notice their scent anymore, it's so familiar. But others, others I do recognize. You know I miss this right? The reservation. Forks. Those were the times when I had brothers I miss it. But there's nothing really left for me here is there?"

He looks down at his feet as he walks now. Somehow I know it's true. Everyone's moved on, Billy's died years ago, and his life is purely tied to Nessie. "I guess you can't just have love in your life can you? You have to friends."

"Yeah. I wouldn't give Renesmee up for the world, but I would like to have my brothers back or at least see my brothers more often."

Strolling slowly back to my house I see Leah and Mark waiting on the front steps. Leah's arm is around Mark's shoulders comforting him in some way.

"Jake, don't do stuff like that!" Leah scolds. "Mark could have gotten hurt. Warn me next time before you do that."

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you that they would be coming on our land," Jake replies, repentant.

"It's fine," Mark mumbles. "They're back at your house by the way. We had to centralize the scent away from us somewhere."

Mark doesn't even look at me. He does not give my an apologetic look like everyone else does who looks at me and for that I am thankful. Without a parting word, I turn to head back to Jake's, hoping that Embry's distaste for the Cullen's was strong enough to keep him away from there. I wasn't fully prepared to feel his wrath or whatever he was going to do to me for running off like that. Jake follows at a distance, still appraising my reactions I suppose. He knows I'm thinking of her.

We pass the main road for a moment, and that's when I see her. I smell her. I feel her presence. Summer's Dad's big yellow jeep passes by, both Summer and Claire in the car music blaring 1980's rock, as they whip around the small bend. Watching their car, I see Claire look back with those same apologetic but hurt eyes. And then she's gone, just like before.

Jake had his hand on my shoulder trying to restrain my shaking. "Hey man, come on. Snap out of it."

His voice seems so far away and the heat begins to ripple through my body. I try so hard to resist but the pain, the anger, the heat simply rises and I burst. He's right behind me, phasing on the fly, a Jake specialty.

_Quil!_

Embry's voice is fuming in my head. A long string of profanities and what he might do to me when he sees me comes through his mind. Some good visual pictures too. I had to hand it to his creativity. After about thirteen seconds of profanities he reads my mind as I run through the spongy, green forest. He sees what I just saw, and sees that Jake is running at an appropriate distance behind me.

_Sorry, _he thinks a little ashamed of himself. _I'll wait to chew you out. I gotta go. _

And then his thoughts are gone, phased back apparently. I run but I can't handle the _supernatural_ wolf. I phase back. Standing naked in the woods is apparently what I'm going to have to do for the moment. Jake skids to a halt behind me and phases back smoothly.

"You okay man?" he asks calmly and slightly out of breath.

I exhale deeply.

"I guess not," Jake says. "This is partially my fault you know. I convinced her to give you a chance. That first day that you told her. I didn't think she would ever do this. As hesitant as she was, I thought she liked the idea of making you happy. She liked you, I could tell in her eyes. And I think she still does. By the look on her face, you're not the only one who's hurt."

"You should have never convinced her. You should have left it alone, Jake!" I scold. I'm too confused right now. So many things stimulating my mind with so many different emotions, I just want to hit him.

"I think you would have missed your chance at happiness though. I think you're better off having at least that small period of time with her."

"Maybe."

Silence encases us for a moment, until the sound of paws running interrupts. Mark phases and tosses both Jake and I a pair of sweats. I was starting to appreciate my pack more and more. It seemed that the moment she was gone, my pack was there. I guess I'm lucky to have them.

After putting on the sweats I sit down on a large rock next to a tree. I put my elbows on my knees and I place my head in my hands. Breathing, that's all I can do now. He face summed it up. She's resolved into not being with me at all. She's leaving to go to college in a short time and she won't be around.

I guess I had to go on. At least breathe. I owed that to my pack, to my brothers, and Leah.


	3. Truck

**A/N:**

**I'm sorry once again. This chapter has been finished for five or six days. I thought I had posted it... chapter 4 should be up sometime tomorrow or late today. **

**-c.c**

* * *

"I know in other classes when you're taking test you can use your friends, compare answers, use your books, or in other words just plain cheat," I pause for effect before continuing, "but just for today, just for poops and giggles- let's have today's test be a product of our own ability."

The students laugh and slowly quiet down as the begin their test. I fall back to sit behind my desk and check my email. Somehow teaching has made the last three months go by easier, if easier means Embry doesn't feel bad enough to not order me to eat and do things. It did get better about six weeks ago when Claire came home for the weekend. We had an accidental run in over at the grocery store, where Claire and I attempted to be adults. Her mother was with her too so it didn't allow us to be very in depth either. She suggested we email, out of courtesy I'm sure.

I sigh when I see that my email reads no new messages. Only one message from her in six weeks; a response from my original message. I click on it and read it for the ten thousandth time.

_Quil, _

_It was nice to see you too. School's going well. Summer and I are coming home for Thanksgiving…maybe I'll see you then._

_-C _

It was so short compared to my message back to her, but what could I do. My page automatically refreshes, but there's no new messages. I turn back to my desk and begin to grade papers, a monotonous task.

"Have a good break. Eat lots of turkey," I call after my class as they file out of the classroom. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving break more than I should. The possibility of seeing Claire is higher, and even though I don't exactly want to see her to hear her say or see that look that tells me that she doesn't want to be with me, I can't help but want to. I need to.

"Emily's invited us all over for Thanksgiving, so you'll get plenty of turkey," a chuckle comes rumbling into my classroom. Embry saunters in past the last few remaining students, sophomores who are scared by the massive sight of him.

I chuckle and watch the last two girls scamper out of the classroom. Embry turns is head watching them too and then he turns back with a grin on his face. "That's illegal," I remind him.

"Yeah too bad about that," he laughs. "So I brought your dad by to pick up the truck earlier today because he needed to go to Port Angeles or something, and I figured you didn't want to run home, so I came by to pick you up."

I sighed. My dad was probably taking the truck up to the junkyard so I wouldn't know it. Embry just didn't want to let me hear it in someone's thoughts when I phased. I had refused to let them get rid of the truck, just because it was one of the few things that I had that could give me proof that there was a time where Claire and I were happy together.

"He took the truck didn't he?" I asked Embry.

He dawdled with a pencil on my desk, looking down and intentionally avoiding eye contact.

"Damn it! Embry!"

"Hey don't say that!" Embry complains. "You needed a new truck. The other teachers were going to start saying things about how you drive a bigger piece of shit than the students here."

I roll my eyes. As pissed as I am, I can't really blame him that much. That truck only had one working door. I clean up my desk quickly and put a few thing I need to get finished over the long weekend into my bag. Embry leads the way out of my classroom and I flick off the lights and shut the door.

Outside, I see that there's only one car left in the lot. Everyone must have escaped out of here pretty quick. Embry picks up a slight jog to avoid the rain, but I pace myself all the way to his car. He's clicking his tongue impatiently when I climb in.

Embry drops me off at my place before he heads back to pick up the shift from Mark. I go inside and check my email, hope never fading for another response. I log onto face book as well because it's blocked at school.

Scanning through the news feed I see about six girls commenting on Embry's wall, and Emily's new photos of Laker and Tripp, and then another thing.

_Claire is now listed as_ _In A Relationship._

Instead of shaking and bursting out of my skin, I sink a little lower in my chair. I read the feed over and over again, attempting to decipher something else from it besides the obvious. There's only one thing to conclude from this. She's moved on. And yet she knows how imprinting works. After all those times we talked about it, after I answered every question she ever had honestly about it, she doesn't care. It made no difference. Our entire summer, it made no difference to her. I was just a boy along her path to something else. Well, not a boy exactly. I don't exist in her mind. The supernatural doesn't exist to Claire.

I've come to the conclusion that I hate facebook. Why does everyone have to know each other's information all the time. Trying to keep calm and compose myself, I close my account. I don't want to know anymore. Ignorance is bliss apparently.

I'm cooking dinner when my dad comes through the door an hour and a half later, looking a little guilty. "Need help?"

His question seems an innocent way to gauge my annoyance with him, but I decide to let him off the hook. Why does it matter anymore. She's no longer holding on to any bit of me, so the fact that the truck is gone isn't such a bad thing I guess. I shake my head in my father's direction to grab some milk out of the fridge and he perches himself on a bar stool next to the counter.

"I'm sorry Quil," my dad says in a dry, low tone. I put down the knife that I'm cutting a tomato with and lean on both hands on the counter. His face appears more worn than I remember it being. Have I just not actually looked at him in a while? He appears to be much older than he should be. But then again I'm not exactly twenty five am I?

"Don't worry about it dad," I say. "It needed to be done. I understand." As I say this rationally, my mind doesn't think it's exactly rational. I did love her. I wanted to be with her. But I also wanted her to be happy. The rationality of that didn't exactly add up to me.

My dad gives me a questioning stare. "I don't understand," he finally says after a pause. "When did you start to be understanding? No offense but what you just said is probably the most you've said to me since- well you know."

Picking back up the knife again, I shrug and press my lips together in a firm line. "Claire has a new boyfriend."

He exhales roughly. Again when I look at him, I notice his age. The crinkles around his eyes growing more distinguished. Because I haven't aged I guess it seems weird that he has. "Ah," he sighs. "So this is why you look all contemplative instead of your usual sad pity?"

"I guess," I mumble as I throw the sliced tomatoes into the salad.

"I'm not going to say I know exactly how you feel, but I was pretty messed up when your mom left, like you were when Claire did. And when she got remarried, I did nothing but stand by and be happy for her. I mean she was eleven years older than me. But I knew she was happy."

I rinse the noodles in a colander in the sink absorbing what he's saying. "You didn't imprint on her though."

He chuckles a little before his serious face returns. "Yes, but I did love her. And when she passed I was very upset."

"I know you were. And you had good reason to be. Mom left when Claire was like ten. That's when I had to explain divorce to her," I scowl at the memory. Divorce on the reservation was touchy and frowned upon. It was a rough time for my dad. She left him, and two years later she was remarried. Two years after that she was diagnosed with breast cancer and died within the year. Her new husband didn't even have a funeral for her.

The silence continues as I finish up the dinner. As we fill up our plates my father seems to be contemplative in the silence. "What are you thinking, Quil? I used to be able to guess but, now I'm confused."

"I'm thinking about time actually," I admit honestly.

"Time?"

We sit down at the table, something unusual.

"Well, I was thinking that technically I'd be like thirty five right now. And mom was what sixty four when she died? And you're fifty six? And Claire is eighteen."

With is mouth half full of spaghetti he mumbles, "I'm not going to die Jake. I got yeas and years ahead of me."

"Not that," I say in-between a gulp of milk. "I was just thinking about how mom moved on. How she was so much older than you. I was thinking about the age gap, and how Claire and I are even further than you and mom were."

My father sets down his fork, and pulls his elbows up onto the table. "You know, I think things have a way of working themselves out. Plus like you said, I didn't imprint on her. You're mom and I had differences from the beginning. I'm going to be honest with you. One of two things is going to happen between you and Claire. One, you guys will go through this rough patch and eventually end up together, because I'm a firm believer in what is meant to be will be. Or two, you and Claire won't end up together. She'll move on with her life, and she'll probably let you be apart of it as a friend, but nothing more. But Quil, guess what?"

He pauses and I nod for him to continue.

"It's not up to you. It's up to Claire."

I half smile. It's true it isn't up to me. It's up to her. So I guess I have to have patience. And if there's anything I've learned in the past sixteen years is that I have to have patience. I waited for her for that long to at least give me a chance. Now I just have to wait for her to make a final decision. "I just love waiting," I say, sarcasm soaking my tone.

My dad chuckles. "So now that you're not going to kill me for taking your truck to the junk yard today, after dinner would you like to see the new truck?"

I take a bite of my salad and nod my head. With the prospect of waiting on my mind I can't really comprehend anything else around me.

"You know what I forgot," my dad interrupts my contemplative silence. "I forgot we're responsible for dessert on Thursday at Emily's."

"Well we're going to have to buy it, because I can't really bake, and neither can you," I laugh trying to be lighthearted. Somehow now I notice that my small chuckles haven't been a part of a real laugh since she left. "I'll head out after dinner and pick up whatever's left at the grocery store."

"Good. And by the way, Jake called today said her wanted you to call him soon."

"Mmkay," I murmur and pick up my plate and take it to the sink.

In silence, my father and I do the dishes, something that he and my mom and I used to do all as a family until she left. Something that Claire and I did together at her house when she was young. She used to sit on the counter and dry the dishes in her little hands and splash me with water from the sink and giggle. I loved her giggle.

If it was really meant to be with Claire and I, it would be easy. So maybe Sam's right, I only would need to be with Claire for breeding purposes. Somehow the idea of being an Embry, and going out for 'Breeding Purposes' doesn't exactly appeal to me with Claire. I want to be with her beyond that, at least. Though I do miss touching her in that way.

My dad shows me the new truck, and by new he means six years old with 94 thousand miles on it. Appraising my calm mood and probably wondering how long it will last until I become the moody Quil again, my father reluctantly hands me the keys and a twenty to head down to the grocery store to get dessert for Thanksgiving dinner.

Once on the main road that leads from La Push to Forks, I decide to give Jake a call. I had stopped returning his calls after he became more and more aware of my depressed state. Working was the only way I could focus entirely on something else besides Claire. But then there would be those times when I'd be working on hall duty and I'd see a girl with the exact same color hair as her, and I wouldn't be able to focus for the rest of the day. Those were the times that I would give my class a free day to study and work on their homework, and I sit on my computer and reread every single email she's ever written me. This is why Jake doesn't like talking to me and I don't like talking to him.

He picks up after the third ring with a scruffy voice. "Hello."

"Hey," I try to sound light. "Oh I forgot the time difference. Sorry. You were asleep."

"No it's okay man, I'm glad you called. I need to talk to you about something," he sounds suddenly awake. I can hear him grunt as he probably sits up in bed and then he's quiet for a moment. "Yeah, that's what I'm doing," he says lowly.

So Renesmee must be there.

"Sorry I haven't called back, but," I pause to exhale, "you know."

"Yeah, that's what I wanted, well needed to talk to you about. Umm, so I know that Claire's coming home for thanksgiving, so I should have told you about this before."

I hated when Jacob struggled for words. It was usually something extremely stupid.

He takes an audible deep breath and exhales. "Bella went and saw Claire."


	4. Converses: Done

Shock and silence begin to wear off as I pull into a parking space.

"Quil? Q? You there? You human? You wolf?" Jake's questions are hollow in my head as I try to breathe calmly so that I don't phase and ruin the new truck.

"She did what?" I finally ask.

"She went to see Claire."

Switching the phone to my other ear, I hold it to my ear with my shoulder, and place both hands firmly on the steering wheel. I want to badger him with a hundred questions after I finish pummeling his ass, but all I can mange to ask one thing. "What?"

"Well, it was more so that she ran into Bella on campus one night. I don't know why she was there but she said something to Claire."

I grind my teeth. "What exactly did she say?"

The light posts in the parking lot begin to illuminate, and a hazy mist rain encases the parking lot like a creepy horror movie. How suiting. This is like a creepy horror movie. Werewolves, vampires, half-breeds, and one innocent human being abused by all of us. I can only imagine what kind of reaction Claire had to Bella.

"See that's the kicker. I don't know because she won't tell me. But she did say that it was something that she wished she would have had known when that whole stupid drama went down with her and I a thousand years ago. So it has to be uplifting," he chuckles over his last statement, more out of nervousness than out of humor.

Great. Just fucking great. I have no idea what has been said to Claire.

"Jake, why did she talk to Claire?"

"That damn bloodsucker-ouch- Edward," he corrects, obviously Nessie didn't like his terminology for her father. "Edward was reading my mind again and he informed Bella of our little conversation, the one in the woods. Bella and Edward had gone to LA for something; I was back here with Nessie. They ran into her and Claire recognized Bella. Bella thought it would be rude not to acknowledge her. They ended up playing mini golf with one of Claire's friends, Danny."

Still wanting to physically tear Jake limb from limb, I give in to doing the next best thing. Tear him apart verbally. "So basically, Jacob, you have no fucking clue what was said, what exactly happened you just know the basic outside gist of what happened. She's coming home tomorrow and I'll probably run into her and I don't know exactly what she said or what went on. Plus she was alone with two vampires and a human! You're an asshole Jacob Black!" I forcefully take the phone in my left hand and scream into it, directly in front of my face, while still gripping the steering wheel tightly.

When I place the phone back to my ear there is silence for a minute. I can only hear my breathing and Jake's silent guilt. Then, a three knocks on the glass of my driver's side door interrupts the quiet. I turn, alarmed by the sudden sound, and stare into the face of a very concerned Emily.

"Jake," I say sternly. "I have to go. I'll call you later to ream you out again."

"Okay. I'll hold you to it," he says and then disconnects the line.

I roll down my window to meet Emily's tare once again. Her scarred grimace is more evident when she's worried. I can tell. It's the same look she gets when Tripp or Laker come home with a skinned knee, that heals a little too quickly. Since my mom left, Emily became like a mother to me. Though she practically was before. She fed me almost every day until Claire was fifteen. That's when my dad and I learned to cook, though I still am a much abused babysitter for her now, therefore I'm always welcome to dinner at her house at least twice a week.

"Hey," I say calmly, my voice deep and rough from yelling.

"So Jake got a hold of you?" she asks her voice understanding.

"You know?" I ask more out of confirmation.

She simply nods and then asks, "You want to join me? I've got to pick up some last minute things before Thursday and I don't everything to be gone tomorrow."

Her voice sounds so light, almost forced kindness. There's no doubt in my mind that she heard me yelling at Jake in the car. I nod, rolling up my window. We hit a light jog into the grocery store to avoid getting soaked by the now pouring rain.

In the bread isle, after a few minutes of small talk, Emily instigates the conversation between us about Claire. "I found out you know. From Claire. About her conversation with Bella."

"Oh," I say lightly squeezing a loaf of wheat bread to check it's freshness before putting it into my basket.

"Claire came to see me tonight when she got home. Said she wanted to talk to Sam and me before she saw you. She told me about her conversation with Bella."

"Emily," I plead. I know now that Bella has disclosed everything to Emily and Sam as a way to gauge my reaction before seeing me over her break at home. The ache, I'm dying inside to know everything that's happened. "Please tell me what happened."

"I'll tell you this and only this. I can only tell you what happened as far as I know, but I won't tell you how she's feeling. It's up to her to express that to you. "

That's a low blow, but I'll take what I can get. "Okay."

We turn to ascend the next isle and Emily beings to pick up odds and end. "Look for Paprika," she says standing in front of the spices. "So Claire was out on campus for the night with some friends after a movie. She ran into Bella outside the movie theatre. They got to talking and went out to mini golf. Claire's friend, Danny, came with them because I guess he didn't feel comfortable letting Claire go off alone with complete strangers at night and I'm guessing neither did Claire, if you know what I mean."

She picks up a gallon of skim milk and places it in her basket, shivering from the cool of the grocery store refrigerator, and smiles to the man who passes us. "Anyway, Bella took Claire aside and spoke to her."

"What did she say?" I interject, desperately. Desperation has never been a part of who I am, except it seems when it comes to Claire. I shiver at the thought of Claire being alone with Bella, a vampire, without me to protect her. Even though the Cullens were supposed to not be dangerous, it still doesn't sit well with me.

"Basically, she told Claire about the whole Jake and Bella and Edward situation and how she felt about it from her point of view and how Jake felt about it. She said that if Jake had imprinted on her, that she doesn't think she could have broken his heart like she did. But if he had, and Edward had come back, she would have still ended up with Edward, but only because her hold on him was too strong. Stronger than her hold on Jake.

"And also she told her about Sam and I. And- well," she pauses, obviously debating with herself as to if she should tell me something. "You know I really liked Bella. She really seemed to like Jacob and she was really accepting of everything, you know. She was great company, but she broke Jake's heart. But in the end he got his happy ending."

"Yeah Bella was nice, but now she's different, I guess."

"You know," Emily says leaning down into a refrigerator case. "You don't give Bella enough credit. I think she's done something very nice for you, even though you won't like it at first…I think you'll like it in the end."

"What do you mean by that?" I retort quickly, alarmed by her opinion.

She rolls her eyes at me. "I mean that I don't believe Sam's crap about preserving the blood line. I mean I believe it but I think that you're affection for Claire will be returned in some way in the future."

"I hope you're right."

We finish gathering our groceries, Emily insistent on not giving me anymore information that she already has. I help her get all of her bags securely into her car. "You know you should let Jacob off the hook and Bella too. She didn't go looking for Claire, it was a run in, and she wanted to be polite. No harm done. Bella and Edward have a clean record in our books."

"Okay," I agree. "I'll try."

At home I throw the instant pudding mix on the center of the counter and the whip cream into the fridge. Jake and Emily's words have not quite sunk in, but I try to interpret and comprehend them. Bella was in La Push the day Jake and I came back. So she probably saw how distressed Jake was from seeing me, but obviously she didn't seek Claire out.

I guess Bella was just being nice, but that doesn't excuse her from being more than simply polite to Claire. She didn't have to express her opinion about my relationship with Claire.

I take a quick walk into the woods outside my house, still contemplating what exactly Bella said. Once I'm sure I am out of view of anyone from the road or from the small grouping of houses including my own, I take off my clothes and phase to begin my small shift of running the perimeter.

_Hey,_ Mark's voice says dully. _I've got nothing. How long you on for?_

_Four, then I'm crashing until three and picking up another shift then. Are you running on thanksgiving? _

_Yeah. Being the youngest has its disadvantages._

I chuckle, barking. We're silent for a moment, but I know that Mark is just listening to my problem with Jacob and Bella.

_You know you can't really know what happened until you talk to Claire right? And she'll be at Emily's for dinner on thanksgiving. You can talk to her then. You can sort things out then. _Mark's thoughts are always so rational. Of course we'd be able to talk or at least sort things out at a family dinner. And sure Claire really wants to sort things out with me.

_Don't be like that, Quil. _Mark clearly senses my apprehension and hostility in my thoughts.

_She's got a new boyfriend, Mark. How are we supposed to talk with everyone there? Hmm? _

_Fine, _Mark's mood now on edge with mine. _I gotta crash. See you soon._

_Mmkay. _

Mark's departure is hostile, but I ignore it. Obviously I have bigger problems. I run the perimeter at full speed. It had been a while since I'd pushed my wolf form to its fullest potential, probably since Claire left and I ran to Canada. My path takes me around the edge of the reservation past Emily's house, and following the beaten path of my brothers, and sister, out in passing distance of Claire's house. Usually, I avoid this sight and take an alternative route, but today I see the house, knowing that she must be inside, or at least living there while she's on break from school.

The light in her bedroom flicks off as I slow to get the full view of the house. A faint glow of the television, flickering, from the family room out onto the lawn illuminates Claire's silhouette as she moves into that room and cuddles up on the couch next to a female figure, who from a closer glance, recognize as her mother.

I'm at the perimeter of the woods outside her house. If it were daylight, she'd be able to see me, but the night's light disguises me. Watching her, even in wolf form makes me feel like a pedophile, stalking from the woods outside a girl's home. Wasn't that what I always was? A pedophile? Loving a two year old girl the moment I saw her?

It felt like it now- now that I had _those_ feelings for her, but it wasn't like that then.

And I want to see her, and figure things out. She left and everything stopped without resolve. I know I want to avoid awkwardness, the stares, and the weak smiles that everyone will give on Thursday and work things out before hand.

Standing like a creep- in wolf form- I realize that it'd be better to get everything over with before Thanksgiving dinner with everyone there. I turn rapidly, know that I would return in only a few minute. Pushing myself hard against the moist forest floor, I run full speed to my house where I acquire a pair of sweat pants, a pen, a piece of paper and a zip-lock bag.

Sitting down quickly, because I know that I'm still on duty and Embry would literally kill me for taking off like this, I write a note;

_Claire,_

_Just because I know we both want to avoid the public awkwardness if we do this on Thursday, would you mind seeing me tomorrow at noon at my house?_

_-Quil_

After rereading it twice, I fold it in half and put it into the plastic bag. Tying my sweats around my ankle I phase on the run, and make my way back to her house.

A light snow begins to fall, when I'm halfway there, but it doesn't stick to the wet ground. The unseasonable warm fall has prevented a sticking snow.

Thinking of my letter, I note that if it worked once before, it has to work again. I have to get her to see me, at least to evade to awkwardness with everyone. If anything I just need that. That, and I need to see her, to get the answers to the questions I have for myself…life what the fuck is this boyfriend nonsense she's got going on? And what she wants and needs me to be. The past few months I've really had no other purpose than to survive. I want to know what she wants from me. I need to know what she wants from me. I need this more than I need to know about the drama Bella has caused. I'm sick and tired of trying to make it through everyday, just having conversations in circles about her with Jake, Mark, Embry, Leah, my father, Emily, Sam and practically everyone else. I need to talk to her, without everyone else watching.

Once I arrive in the forest outside her house, I phase, and throw on my sweats. With the plastic bag containing my letter held firmly between my teeth, I scale the small tree next to her window, an easy feat even for a human boy, and place the letter on her sill. I'm sure she'll see it.

Once back running the perimeter, I dwell on how she'll respond, which fills my thoughts for the hours left on my shift until I trade off.

* * *

A/N: (A long one...for the consistant reader)

Okay..I'm late again. Sorry. Lack of inspiration. (and lack of presence of my muse...she's kinda needed for this story. )

This has been very dificult for me lately, writing. I was stuck on plot for a while, and then I realized how much I really hate this writing style. I had read a book written in the style and therefore when I started Words I used it...which had to fall over into Unlucky as well. Obviously, it's not really written in that style any more, though it is still written in the present tense. I'm fining it hard to return to the original style that i had started with and for that I apologize. It really bugs me when an author does that. I never meant for it to do that but with time, it evolved. In addition, writing in present tense, personally, is like physical labor. I absolutely hate it, but as I believe fanfiction is a place to also try new things and grow as a writer I tried it. Ugh, I shudder at how much it aches to write like this.

Now that I have overcome my lack of vision for plot in this I an promise I'll write faster. I will complete my Quil/Claire story that I have to tell in it's entirety, but the writing I know is poor...for my standards at least, and I will try my best to return to it's original style, though I can't promise anything.

For Summer lovers (not just the season):

she will return...and in a really good way.

I have two large outside writing projects that I'm working on as well, so bear with me, if I drop off the face of fanfiction from time to time. I will finish my Quil/ Claire story before the end of the season though, hopefully before August.

I'm sorry once again for the terrible direction in writing this has taken and I'll try to improve that.

-c.c


	5. hope

**A/N:**

**Tada! I'm feeling inspired...**

* * *

The knock at my front door makes me jump and flip off of my couch instantly. I had crashed there last night after my shift and had set an alarm for eleven so that I could shower before Claire might arrive. She hadn't given me confirmation that she would come to see me, but I figured I'd be ready if she came. Feeling slightly disoriented from my sudden jump from sleep, I look at the clock on the television. Twelve fifteen. Shit. The knock at my door comes again, more violently this time.

"Just a second," I call groggily. I had crashed in my sweats and probably look like a wreck right now, but I run my fingers through my hair roughly and stumble towards the door.

Inhaling deeply, I pull open the door. My breath is practically knocked out of my at the sight of her. Claire's hair is out of her face, pulled back in a pony tail. Her red fall jacket is zipped up all the way to her chin, protecting her from the cold. Claire stares but doesn't smile, her expression simply blank.

I gesture for her to come in and slowly start to shut the door behind her when a well manicured hand slaps down on it level with my face. My eyes follow down the arm of this assailant and straight to the face of Summer.

"He gets us out of bed for this and then he doesn't even shower to see us. Great!" Summer announces her arrival, pushing through the door, flicking it shut with her zebra print heel, and stepping into my house with the click-clack of her shoes on the wooden floor. Her hair was different, still blonde and long but now with streaks of electric blue.

I forgot how much I loved Summer… sometimes. Yes she had gotten Claire and I together in the first place, but she is also an interesting child. In my relationship with Claire, I discovered that Summer has a lot of pull with Claire's relationships. Meaning that if Summer is getting bored with her boyfriend, she encourages Claire to feel the same way. Example A: Summer gets rid of Embry, Claire gets rid of me.

"Summer, good to see you," I say trying to disguise my annoyance with her presence in my house.

"Yeah," she says making herself at home on the couch, and flicking on the television. She scrolls through the dvr and turns on a very old Wrestlemania that Embry had taped a billion years ago. "I'll stay out of your way. "

I turn back to see Claire who's standing directly in the center of the kitchen, arms folded across her chest. Her expression isn't impatient like her body reads, actually she seems bemused. Still shocked I walk over to be in conversational distance from her.

"Here let me take your jacket," I say stepping forward to take her coat. She lets me help her out of it but turns her head away from me as she shrugs out her arms. There's a glint of the same color blue at the ends of her hair, the exact color of blue that toped Summer's head. I slide her jacket over the back of one of the chairs, and turn back to her. I notice that she's eying my bare chest, something that she used to do all the time.

"You don't like it?" she asks touching the ends of her ponytail with her fingers.

"No, it's fun," I smile. "Summer?" I question, tilting me head in her direction.

"Moral support," she says smiling weakly. "It's good to see you Quil."

I'm taken aback by her formality. Then again I'm sure that I'm coming off the same way. I turn to the fridge, more for something to occupy myself, and grab the gallon of milk. Claire leans up against the counter and watches me, as I snatch a glass from the cupboard and pour myself a class.

"Want some?" I ask, being polite.

She simply shakes her head. I lean up against the counter opposite of her and stare at how dark her skin has grown. Her eye brows are different too, more arched so that she looks surprised. And her body. She's thinner, not grotesquely anorexic, but thin. Obviously she's lost her muscle from running track in high school. Her white long sleeve t-shirt is tight to her body, something that she wouldn't have worn before.

"How's school?" I ask to fill the pause., and averting my eyes. She had noticed that I was staring.

She presses her lips together lightly and says, " Good. It's really good." She squints uncomfortably, smiles sweetly, and then becomes serious. "Quil, I'm not one for small talk. I agree that we should get this weirdness out before it has to be displayed for the entire gathering at Aunt Emily's. What do you want from me that you wouldn't want the others to be privy to?"

Relief swells within me, she's not going to try to drag this out. I always loved that about Claire. "Umm," I stutter to begin, but then I give in and decide to ask the main question. "Are you still in the place you were this summer? I mean with the _dog_ stuff."

I smiles and laughs lightly. "Dog stuff." For a moment she's silent, probably listening to see if Summer is overhearing, but Summer is intrigued, leaning forward examining the ring apparel of the wrestlers. After being well assured of Summer's obvious distraction, Claire turns back to me. "Quil, it really is too much for me."

"So the new boyfriend's is just so wonderfully human, huh?" My sarcasm is too harsh. And comes out too quick, I hadn't expected it to actually slip out.

"Don't be like that, Quil," she complains taking a step forward towards me. In my peripheral I see Summer straighten on the couch, obviously listening. "Can we be what we were before this summer?"

"You mean see each other once and a while, where I have to force you to come see me, or when you need me to save you," I retort. Obviously my anger has come through. It's been bottled up for way too long.

"Okay, more than that. Friends?" Her question seems resolved, like she knew that was what she wanted before she even came here. I know she doesn't plan to give me any more than that now.

I exhale, more than defeated…disappointed. I became hopeful the moment she came through the door; but now I know she came here with an agenda; to make sure that things were still the same. She looks so sure of what she's saying though, something that she did not display when she was ending it with me. College has obviously brought her confidence, and if it wasn't bothering me so much, I'd find it so damn hot. She's too cute. My mind is wandering too far, and Claire waits patiently in silence.

I focus once more, and carefully choose my next move. If I ever want to have Claire in some form or another, I have to be nice. "Claire," I begin pausing to exhale and make sure Summer is still captivated by Jack Swagger being clearly horizontal in a replay of a Divas verses Swagger match. "I don't really see how you can be okay with the _dog _stuff when I'm you're friend either? What's the difference?"

"Bella was right. I should stay away. It hurts you more for us to try to even be friends. I just thought that you would be whatever I want you to be, so I tried that," she sighs, slapping her arms down by her side.

"Wait," I say a little shocked. "Bella told you to stay away from me?"

I begin to shake a little, and I try to breathe to avoid bursting with Summer nearby. Next time I see Bella I'm going to tear her head off, and possibly burn the pieces. I haven't decided if I actually wanted to commit the murder or just make her feel pain.

She exhales and admits, "Not exactly. She told me that staying around Jake when she couldn't love him back actually hurt him more. I don't want to do that to you. It hurts me to hurt you., but I can't give you what you want. It would be mean to lead you on, even though it's mean to do this as well. Calm down," she commands still aware of my shaking. Summer turns to examine what the commotion, appraising if Claire is all right. Claire gives her a reassuring nod, and Summer returns to watching the match.

"Quil, maybe we should just be acquaintances, like people who only see each other once and a while. Besides, I'll only be back for Christmas break and then I'm not coming back for the summer. I'm staying to take some classes. If we can just get through these few family gatherings we'll be okay," she says seeming resolved with this new plan.

"I don't want to go without seeing you," I complain without thinking before I spoke.

"You'll see me," I tries to assure, but I interrupt.

"Claire, what do you want me to be?" I ask her straight out. "Without what anyone else has advised you about, what do you want me to be in comparison to me?"

This is what I've wanted to know from her, more than why she dating another guy. I just need to know.

She closes her eyes, like she always did when she was struggling to come up with an answer. "Now?" she questions hesitantly, opening her eyes back up again, staring at me in full honesty. "Now, I want you to just be someone I know. I guess." She adverts her eyes away, looking at the floor, ashamed.

Her admission isn't as big of a blow as I thought it would be, though it still hurts. All I want to do is pull her into a hug and tell her it's all right, even though she's practically killing me. Her eyes keep flickering up to me, gauging my expression.

Her eyes find me again without adverting away, and mine connect back. "For now, at least," she corrects. She smiles weakly, and I remember how much she hates when others do that to her.

"Okay," I manage to mumble. She's given me a little bit of hope, _for now._

"Is there any way we can manage to me civil tomorrow?" she asks, observant to my despair, but also to my hope.

"I'm sure we can, just-um," I struggle for a way to say it. "I was wondering about the boyfriend, um, just can you tell me-"

The confidence just radiates from her again. "Nick, he's really nice. We've only been dating for a month, but I really like him." She tries to be kind to me, and I can tell, but she's good at it even though it's still a blow to my moral.

"And his fraternity has the best parties," Summer say coming over to lean her elbows on the counter behind Claire, smiling. "You should come to one. Maybe that will take some of the female competition away, although I usually _blow_ those boys away so there's not really competition."

"Summer!" Claire and I complain.

She laughs.

"Claire. Quil. Seems like weirdness is over, can we go. Embry needs a visit. He got a new yellow motorcycle, and you know his fantasy of running certain bases while driving fast things," Summer declares, glancing upward in a flirtatious manner. Classically Summer.

"Sum," Claire says sternly. "We're not done here. Two minutes. Then I'll drive you to see Embry and his new yellow motorcycle."

"Fine. I'll be in the car," she says and turns towards the door, shoes clicking on the wood floor on the way. Probably leaving scratches. "Oh it was nice seeing you Quil. And I hope you don't mind but I accidentally bought a pay per view movie on accident."

I exhale frustrated, "Depends on which one."

"Ummm…I think it was something Nicolas Sparks wrote, so you know it has to be entertaining…for you at least." Winking she turns and leaves out the door without another word, just simply laughing.

"Claire, why is Summer being so mean to me?" I ask giving her a questioning glare.

Claire stares me down like I'm seriously missing something. Damn her new confidence is so sexy. "That's just Summer's way of saying she missed you," she says mockingly.

I laugh, feeling more comfortable with her in the room now, like the elephant had vanished the moment we started laughing together. I hate that everything feels right with Claire here, even though she has no intention of being with me the way I want to be with her. "Wait! You said we weren't done here. I'm out of questions that I need to know, but not out of the things I want to know, but I'm guessing those can wait," I say knowing that any more rejection tonight would kill the small bit of hope I have now. I need to cling to that while I can. Plus, Jake told me that too much persistence with Bella drove her away at some points. I need to take things slowly for the time being. "You seemed like you had something you wanted to ask me."

"Two things actually," she admits leaning back on both arms on the counter again. "First, can you promise me, though I like Bella, that I won't get any more creepy run ins with vampires?"

"Yeah, I've been meaning to kick Jake's sorry ass. I'm sure he'll pass on the message," I say. _Note to self: Kick Jake's sorry ass, then make sure the message reaches the Cullens. _

She smiles, so sweetly. "Okay good. And second…Will you get _your_ sorry ass out of this depression funk? Believe me, you don't look good at all, and I know it's not just you lacking a shower today. You look like hell. Shave. Sleep. I know that I'm the source of all this, but please if you're not at least providing yourself with self love, and hygiene, you'll never find anybody."

"You know I can't find anyone else," I murmur darkly.

"Yeah, I know. But Quil, you have to try. For me?" she says taking a step forward and placing both ands on my bare chest and looking up at me. Her touch feels so good and it takes extreme restraint to keep myself from pulling her face up to mine to kiss her.

I'm restraining myself with all my might, and fantasizing about how bold and interesting Claire has developed into in the past few months. The blue hair, the pony tail, the new, tight revealing clothing, all had their appeals. And while I'm dwelling on how much more attracted I am to her, more than ever, I miss her kiss on the cheek goodbye, her putting back on her coat, and leaving out my door.

My feet remain planted in their spot, still in shock of how much she's changed. Her confidence. But all I can wonder, in between thinking about my little grains of hope of the possibility of being with her someday, is that she might just be playing at this to make me get on with my life as she has with hers.


	6. Listening

"Hey! The pudding needs to be refrigerated," I say as Emily takes the bowl out of my hands. My father and I take off our jackets and put them in the already overflowing closet next to the front door.

The furniture in the living room had been moved aside to fit two tables of ten, in a space that should only fit one. Claire and her mother, are fussing in the kitchen over serving bowls, as everyone tries to manage to find a seat, either at one of the two tables in the living room or the kitchen table. My father is quickly swept away to sit with the grouping of adults in the kitchen. The original pack sit with their imprinted significant others completely filling, all but two chairs at the large tables in the living room. Great. Claire already repeals the supernatural idea of imprinting and now the only two open seats are at the table of people who are madly in love with each other.

Everyone takes their seats, while Emily places the last few bowls of food on the tables. Still standing in the entryway, I move towards an empty chair, greeting Paul and Embry along the way.

"No date Embry?" I mock. He's never been anywhere without a girl on his arm.

He laughs with a little bit of resentment, "Emily said we couldn't fit one more person in here. Obviously she's right." He glances around the room and places his palms upward presenting the obviously over crowded house. I chuckle along with him.

As I turn back to walk towards the empty chair that I had my eye on when Claire slides straight into it and then turns to Embry. "Embry? Do you mind scooting over one so that Quil and I can sit next to each other?"

Embry's face looks completely shocked, and he turns back to stare at me while he slides into the next chair, leaving the one next to Claire unoccupied. She pats the chair next to her, signaling me to take the seat and smiles. My heart jumps. That smile is intoxicating and immediately I can tell I have a goofy love stuck face. She giggles at that.

Like a puppy, I quickly take the seat and control whatever look I had on my face by staring across the table at Seth. He presses his lips together suppressing laughter and then gives me a reassuring smile. I wonder if this is Claire's charade to make everything look all right between her and I. She does have that boyfriend. The problem is everyone knows he exists. Facebook doesn't allow any relationship status to go unknown to all.

Throughout dinner Claire talks to everyone about how school is and what she is interested in. And once in a while her shoulder will brush mine, or her hand will lightly touch mine as we reach for the potatoes or corn, and she'd glance at me like she was longing to say something but couldn't. But it could just be my hopeful imagination, or the possible show she's putting on. The apprehension and the hope, so conflicting, start to cause physical pain in my chest, and at the very end of dinner I excuse myself quickly and walk out the front door.

It's snowing but it's not cold to me. I walk towards the woods, and realize that I'm shaking, my body preparing to phase, but I'm holding it back. I have to keep it together. I don't want to go all the way home and have to grab another set of clothes. Then everyone would know, well to pack would know, what happened when I left out the door and wonder why I was so upset. On the outside at dinner, I'm sure the Claire situation seemed light and hopeful. She was being nice, so why should I be so upset? Because it's probably all a rouse. Because she's acting nice to my face, but the fact that she has a boyfriend says a different thing.

Sitting down on a fallen tree I bury my head in my hands, focusing on breathing in and out. I must not have been paying attention because the next thing I know I hear a bark. Mark is sitting in front of me, in wolf form, with, as far as I can tell, a concerned look on his face.

"Claire," I say ad he seems to nod his head in understanding and tilts his head inclining me to continue. "She's being nice," I chuckle in how stupid it sounds and then exhale before continuing. "I can't tell what it means though. She could just be trying to be my friend, which I don't know if I can handle. I love her. I can't be a friend, a good friend at least, when I love her in that way.

"Or she could be changing her mind? And if it's that I really want to know. But I can't ask her that," I exhale. I shouldn't have said that all out loud, but I figure any member of the pack would have heard it if I was thinking about it anytime I was in form with them. It's weird that over the years I've learned to blurt things out verbally because I know the pack would eventually hear it. I'm used to having no secrets.

Mark bows his hear in a sign of understanding and then turns back in the forest to leave me alone.

"Is that really it?"

I straighten up and look around for the source of the voice but I already know it's Claire. She's standing directly behind me, arms wrapped around her chest, huddling away from the cold. She has no jacket over her thin, light green, long sleeved shirt. The snow lightly collects on her shoulders, and I can tell she's shivering. I stand up quickly, feeling slightly invaded. She had heard everything I said to Mark.

"You can't be my friend?"

Her accusation is true, to a point.

"Emily said you could be my friend, that you would be what ever I needed you to be. She was wrong. You only want me one way don't you?"

It takes all my will power not to run over and shield her from the cold, wrap my arms around her and protect her. But I feel that if I did, she'd probably push me away. She stands there with a hurt look of accusation and betrayal.

"Damn it! Say something Quil!"

I close my eyes and press my eyebrows together. "Claire, I didn't mean for you to hear that. I-ugh-I just am having trouble seeing you, knowing that you won't, you refuse to be with me, but then send mixed signals."

"Mixed signals! I was trying to be friendly. I was trying to not make everything awkward. I was trying to make everything all right. Everyone says you've been a mess. I've been trying so hard to get you to be normal to people," she says her voice elevating in volume every sentence she speaks.

I give in and cross the six feet between us and wrap my warm arms around her and let the snow turn to rain as it hits our bodies. She doesn't resist my warmth or my actions, she actually leans into me, burying her head in my chest. She's shaking, but I realize it's not from the cold. She's crying. I find it all right if I let my hand stroke her wet hair, comforting her.

After a few minutes she breathes, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I ask confused.

With her cheek still pressed against my chest, her hands clinging to my shit, she explains. "That day. It hurt me too. I never wanted to be tied down to boyfriends in high school, but I thought in college it would be okay, but you weren't coming with me. And I," she pauses to breathe deeply, "I couldn't handle the fact that you're unable to love anyone else and the werewolf thing freaked me out.

"Quil, it hurts me to hurt you."

Slowly my brain tries to input all this information she has given me, but I can only think about that last statement. "Then don't," I say finally, hugging her closer to my body.

We're silent for what seems like an eternity. The snow falls heavier now, but I'm not cold and I can't guess that she is either. She scoots her legs in between mine so that the wind and the snow don't freeze them. We're both soaked though but I don't mind. I could stay forever just holding her here, but I still don't know exactly what she's thinking about us, and that makes the moment sour.

"You didn't faint when you saw me talking to Mark. You were okay with his form," I say in realization after replaying what she heard in my head. She had seen me talking to Mark. She didn't faint like before. She didn't run or scream. Why? Was she over the werewolf thing? It doesn't seem like it from her words.

"I don't know," she finally breathes. "I guess I was so focused on you that I didn't think much about Mark."

"Claire?"

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking?" I ask. Her contemplative silence has lasted too long, and the longer she is silent, the more apprehension I have about any progress we've made tonight. And as much as I think her statements are a sporadic, jumbled mess, I know that's where my thoughs are as well.

"I'm thinking we should go inside before we get sick."

"You though about that for this long?" I ask surprised at her answer. I look down at her and see her biting her lip, probably holding back what she was really thinking.

She sighs pushing slightly away from me so that she can look at my face when she speaks to me probably. "I was thinking about how I hurt people when I try to make everything all right, when I try to make everyone happy. Like Bella. But everything worked out for her in the end. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

"I don't understand," I say confusion melting through my voice, in reference to her last statement. She pushes completely away from me but, takes my hand and leans into me away from the cold snow.

"You will," she says dryly and lets go of my hand and runs towards the house. I stand right where she left me, sopping wet. Can she leave me any more confused? She always answers one question but leaves me with another.

I make my way back into the house, quickly so it doesn't look like there was a scene between Claire and I. Inside Emily and Claire's mom hand me towels to dry off with and they're fussing over getting Claire a spare pair of Emily's clothes so that they can dry hers. Sam hands me a set of sweat pants and an old t-shirt and I head to the bathroom to change. When I come out Emily takes my clothes and quickly runs to put them in the dryer.

The adults have all dawned coats and have bags of left over food to take down to the homeless shelter. As they do every year they take the food and work for a few hours and then come back home for a bit of dessert. Within minutes of my arrival back through the door, everyone has left except Mark, in from his shift traded with Leah, Embry, Paul, Rachel, and Jared and Kim who are putting Laker and Trip down for bed. Claire has excused herself to the small office off the hall to make a phone call when finally someone speaks to me.

"So what the hell is going on between you and Claire?" Paul asks sitting down on the couch next to me to watch Embry collapse the two tables in the living room by himself. Mark takes a seat on the floor with a plate of food in his lap and is quiet. I know he wont say anything about what happened in the woods

I turn to him giving him a look that says, _what the hell do you think_?

"So you have no idea either? Good. Because she's in the office talking to Summer about how she's confused and doesn't know what to do about you and Nick."

"Paul, don't get my hopes up," I say annoyed a little. He's making the situation worse. "Besides how do you know that?"

"I was kinda eavesdropping as I walked back from the bathroom. Well not too much she was kinda saying it pretty loud," he chuckles slightly.

I sigh roughly, annoyed. "Why is everyone eavesdropping these days? Can't anyone get any privacy?"

"Hey man, you get privacy when you stop having everyone in your head. That's the beauty of it. I stopped phasing and I could have secrets again, but that also meant that I couldn't know everyone else's," Paul explains shrugging and leaning back into the couch putting his hands behind his head, and relaxing.

His behavior bothers me, but I know it's because I'm just jealous. For him and everyone else who had imprinted it was so easy. They didn't have to hear the pedophile comments, or get the weird stares. Sam was the only one who had to hurt someone else, and Leah's over that by now. They can al relax because everything has worked out perfect for their relationships, they don't have to struggle to get the girl to like them. Even Jacob had it easy because Nessie loved him from the moment she saw him too. Why can't Claire just give in? Why should I have to try so hard? I know the answer to that…because I want to.

I'm also frustrated and confused by what "you will" means. It seems like her mind is made up from that statement, but then again she's in the other room talking to Summer about it. If she has made up her mind, I wish she would tell me…but then again I don't really want to know her decision.

Still reclined Paul opens his mouth again, "You know, you've adapted one of Claire's classic characteristics. You're quiet and you think too much now. You didn't used to do that."

Great. He's right. I hate that Claire thinks too much. And now I do that to her too.

"Hey guys," Claire says stepping around the corner. She's wearing one of Emily's big t-shirts and old sweat pants. Her appearance has made Paul give me a look that I don't really understand. "I'm going to head out. Summer and I are doing the day after Thanksgiving madness at the mall, and we have to get in line. So I'm heading back and getting my stuff.

"It was nice to see all of you again," she says smiling.

"Do you need a ride?" I ask jumping to my feet as she slips her arms into her coat.

She smiles weakly, "No, Summer's coming to pick me up." She leans around me and waves to everyone one final time. A car horn honks; Summer obviously has no wish to see Embry. And then Claire's out the door.

Somehow tonight did not end up the way I had wanted it to. Actually I don't know what I wanted to happen tonight. All I know is that I still love Claire.

* * *

**A/N:**

**ugh. I rewrote this twice. I promise the next chapter will be much better and will actually more the story forward. -c.c**


	7. Four

"Quil, man you're looking good!" Jared exclaims giving me a brotherly hug. He looks so aged, even though I know it's only been three and a half years. Probably because he's getting no sleep because of the baby.

Kim stands behind him, car seat in one arm and diaper bag in the other, with the same exhausted look on her face. "Thank you so much Quil," she says handing me the diaper bag. "Claire's mom always said you were the best babysitter in the world. We just couldn't find anyone else, and we really need a good night's sleep."

"I'm sure she'll be fine. Melody and I will have a good weekend together, you guys can go and rest. You're welcome to stay for coffee, but I suggest you get going," I say taking the car seat with Melody sound asleep in it. Jared opens the door to my house and helps me inside. Together, Sam and I set up one of the twins old cribs in my old bedroom for Mel, but from what I've heard she doesn't like to sleep much during the night.

Kim follows us with two bags of baby stuff and drops it right inside the front door. I place Melody, asleep in her carrier, on the coffee table in the living room and turn back to Jared and Kim.

"Get some rest," I tell them gauging their worried expressions. They hadn't left Mel under the watch of anyone but themselves before, and I could tell they had apprehensions about this decision to take a weekend away. "Believe me, if I need any help Emily's just minutes away and I have your phone numbers just in case."

Kim sighs and Jared wraps an arm around her shoulders reassuringly and kisses the top of her head. She walks over to Melody and kisses her on the forehead and says, "You take care of uncle Quil."

Jared chuckles and takes Kim's hand and leads her out of the house, turns back to me right before he reaches the door, and shakes my hand saying, "Thanks man."

Once they leave I shut the door to keep the air conditioning in and unpack all the essentials and more that Kim packed for Melody's weekend with me. Melody stays sound asleep during this entire hour long process and I don't dare move her. Jared has told me that she rarely sleeps for more than one hour at a time, and in interest of getting some form of sleep this weekend, I lay down on the couch to take a nap.

Twenty minutes later, screams erupt around me announcing that Melody has awoke from her sweet little slumber. Wailing, she looks too much like Jared when he's pissed about something, and I laugh at the terrible resemblance. I carefully take her out of her carrier, hold her securely in my left arm, and walk into the kitchen to get out a bottle for her. As she takes to the bottle quickly, I lean up against the counter and stare out the small kitchen window. It's almost as if I could see the heat waves outside. Somehow this May has been sweltering hot, almost unbearable.

Melody coos in my arms and I carefully lift her up to burp her. After a few minutes, she's silent and I know that she's probably fallen asleep on me but I'm scared to move her. She'd probably start to cry.

But her silence is broken by someone else; someone knocking on my door. She begins to wail and I rub her back trying to get her to stop as I walk to the door to open it.

"Need help?" Emily asks reassuringly as I open the door. She smiles and takes Mel out of my arms at once. I move out of the door way to let her in and immediately shut the door behind me, to keep out the heat. "Kim asked me to stop by and help you out, and I was just driving by- had to drop Laker and Tripp off at baseball camp- and thought I'd see how you're doing."

Melody wails almost drowning out Emily's chatter, as Emily walks her back and forth through my living room. "Obviously, I didn't know what I signed up for," I say rubbing my head. Melody's giving me a headache.

Emily chuckles. "She can just tell that you're not Jared or Kim." Slowly Emily rubs small circles on Melody's back trying to soothe her, but Mel just screams louder. Emily's cell phone rings, and she artfully transfers Mel to one arm and pulls the phone out of her back pocket with the other. "Hello?"

She eyes me to take Melody so that she can hear the person on the other end. As I do, I say to Mel, "There's no need to be overly fussy. You're just like Jared, actually more like your uncle Paul. He's got a really bad temper."

As I talk to Melody, she begins to quiet down and whimper. Emily eyes me and then says, "give me twenty minutes," and then hangs up.

Melody begins to cry again.

"What happened to being quiet Mel?" I ask her, but the second I speak she begins to settle down.

Emily smiles, "You sound like Jared. You voice. She likes it when you're talking." Melody begins to cry again. "Anyway, sorry I have to go. Tripp forgot his glove in my car, I have to take it up to him. I'll change her for you before I go," she says apologetically and takes Mel out of my arms once more.

Melody continues to scream as Emily changes her and hands her back to me. "Try telling her a story, she might quiet down when you're talking," she shouts over Mel's screams, walking towards the door. "I'll bring you back food later. Do you mind if Sam and I come for dinner?"

"Sure sounds good. Thanks Emily!" I call over to her as she shuts the door and heads out to her car.

Melody continues to cry. This kid's got a set of lungs on her. I take her to the couch to sit down, and try to think of a story. I set her down in her carrier and put a light blanket over her, but she still cries.

"Okay, okay," I say. "What can I tell you? Let's see you're a girl, something with princesses I assume," I ponder, but I can't think of a story that's long enough to shut her up. "You want to hear about me?

"Well, I'm you're uncle Quil and I'm a math teacher for the time being. I'm also an engineer, so don't worry when you're in high school and you're mom and dad can't explain limits and velocity, I'll be able to help you out. But I might not be living here in La Push then, so you'll have to call me on the phone."

Melody's cries begin to calm into a whimper as I talk to her. I gently rock her in her carrier with my left hand and lean forward, placing my right elbow on my knee for support.

"Let's see. Why won't I be living in La Push? Because I may take a job in West Virginia, that's on the other side of the country, as an engineer. But see that all depends on Claire. Claire is the girl I met when she was just a year or so older than you are right now. And when she was eighteen I got the chance to date her. Dating is something that you won't be doing for many many years if you father has anything to say about it.

"Well, let see…Claire is very special to me. I've loved her since she was two, so that's a very long time. I'm not going to tell you about things that I'm not sure you're parents would want me telling you. Ask them about imprinting and werewolves one day. I'm sure your dad would be thrilled to tell you.

"So anyway, Claire broke up with me because she didn't like those things that I'm not going to tell you about," I say chuckling, but at the same time internally nursing the sore spot she left with me. Melody stares at me intently to continue. Like she can actually understand what I'm saying. "Well, Claire went to college that fall and met another guy, Nick, and they've been dating to this day. Four years. I only had two other conversations with her after she left. Both during Thanksgiving break.

"After that she didn't come home for Christmas, instead her family went to visit her in L.A.. Then she stayed at school for Summer, studying. In the fall, she studied abroad to Italy, which almost gave me a heart attack. Italy, of all places! She escaped right into the center of the world that I was made to protect her from."

Melody tilts her head as if she were questioning me. I chuckle at the one sided conversation.

"Yeah, I called Jake. He owed me anyways. Bella and Edward went to Italy and kept an eye out for her somehow for the two years that she stayed there. They both guaranteed me that she would never see them, so I could keep my promise of keeping them away from her. I never asked how they did, but they'd give me bit of information regarding how she was and how her friend Summer was too. Nick went with them too. Though, I certainly told Bella not to worry herself over keeping him safe. She would laugh and then tell me that if anything would happen to him it would make Claire sad, and I didn't want to do that.

"And during her second year in Italy, my dad got sick and died. I repressed every urge to call Claire or even fly out to see her myself. I did get a post card two months before she left Italy, saying that she was having fun and that she had run into Jake, who was there on vacation with Nessie. Jake simply _forgot_ to tell Claire that they were there visiting Bella and Edward.

"This past year she went back to U.C.L.A. to finish up. She spent Thanksgiving with Nick's family in California, her mother told me, and during Christmas her and her parents took a trip to Hawaii," I say smiling, imagining her on the beach running through the water.

Melody is now fast asleep, smiling. Knowing what I've been told. I'm supposed to get sleep when she sleeps, because that's all I'm about to get. Laying down on the couch I close my eyes and fall fast asleep.

Two hours later I'm awoke by the sound of Melody whimpering. Groggily getting up, I pick Mel up out of her carrier. She's tired of being incased in it, I can tell. I go through Kim's check list of what to do when she's crying. Feed. Change. Nothing really stops Mel's quieted whimpering. I lay a blanket down on the floor, and sit down with Mel, pulling her little bouncer toy over for her to play in.

She quietly plays by herself for a few minutes and I head to the kitchen to make a quick sandwich. Once I get my lunch on a plate and get only a few bites in Melody begins to cry again. I head into the living room and pick her up and walk back to the kitchen. Stroking Mel's back I try a few more bites of my sandwich.

After concluding that I wasn't going to be able to eat any lunch, I set the plate with my food on it in the practically empty fridge. Still carrying Mel, I walk her back into the living room and sit down on the couch with her. "Is it story time again?" I ask between screams.

She seems to settle at the sound of my voice almost instantly.

"Okay where did I leave off?" I ask myself out loud. "Claire moved back to L.A. and she just finished up her last year and graduated about two weeks ago. And her mom just went out to L.A. to help her pack and move her back home. She's got a job as an Italian teacher at Forks high school, which is the place where I work."

I pace through the kitchen back and forth and Mel seems to settle down. I walk back to the living room and gently lay down with Melody resting on my chest. She's awake and drooling, but I don't really care. As long as I keep talking she doesn't cry, and that's good enough for me.

"So that's why it all depends on Claire. See if I can handle her being here without being in a relationship, we'll be fine. We'll be coworkers. But if neither of us can, I'm taking the job in West Virginia.

"Melody, this is all a very good lesson for you, although you're probably too young to understand. Really, if a boy, besides you dad, loves you. You should stay with him, as long as you love him too, that is."

Melody hums and I take that as a signal that she's understood. Together we fall fast asleep on the couch, Melody humming in her sleep every so often reminds me of the way Claire used to when she was little.

When I wake, Mel is still sleeping soundly, drooling on my black t-shirt. I don't dare move for fear of waking her and having her cry. I just stay as still as possible and think about the story I told Mel, today.

It's been almost four years since I've seen or spoken to Claire, but I'm still in love with her in every single way. I stopped pushing her when I realized that it wasn't going to work anymore. These past four years have been almost unbearable without her, but I have had the time to make myself better. I took a group of students to Florida for habitat for humanity, and I've done a lot with Embry, Mark, and Leah to improve the reservation. But after that I did little. I didn't travel. I feared that I would go against better judgment and fly to Italy, or show up in L.A.

Leah gave up about two years ago. She put a lot of will power into it, and she stopped phasing, acknowledging that she couldn't stay in a twenty five year olds body anymore. It took her the better part of the last two years to manage it, but I know she's succeeded because it's been six months since I've heard her voice in my head.

Embry on the other hand, he planned on doing what Leah managed, but then he realized that he wouldn't be able to sleep with twenty five year olds if he stopped phasing. So it's just Mark, Embry, and I. And as I note that Claire is turning twenty two, within the next three years, I'm going to stop phasing too. So that if there's any chance we can be together, the supernatural stuff will be gone and we will be the same age, physically at least.

Melody twitches in her sleep, bringing me back to my current reality. I really can't believe she's not too hot against my body, but I guess I'm just warm compared to the air-conditioned house. Thinking about my every movement and trying not to wake her I turn my head to see the clock on the television. Five thirty, it reads. So basically I slept the whole day away. Emily should be here soon with food.

And then the knock at the door sounds almost the instant I thought of it. Melody doesn't wake as I slowly get up from the couch and walk towards the door, keeping her sleeping form as close as possible to the same position it was in when we were laying down.

"Hey! How'd it go?" Emily asks exuberantly as I open the door. Then she sees Melody fast asleep and mouths, "okay."

She comes through the door with her arms overflowing with food. Sam follows behind her with another armful of things.

"I'm going to set her down in the crib," I say quietly.

When I return I swear there are more people in my kitchen than I originally let in my house. Paul and Embry have crashed the party and are hooking up the old rock band set to my television. On my couch is one person I clearly recognize as Summer, who's back to sporting her traditional blonde look. Next to her is someone I don't know.

"Quil!" Emily calls from the kitchen. I turn away and walk into the kitchen to see what she wants. "I hope you don't mind, but I invited a few extra guests for a welcome home party."

And then from behind Emily, I hear her voice. "Hey mom? Where did you set the pasta salad?"

She's standing at the counter facing away from me, talking to her mom who's in the dining room setting the table. Her black hair is back in that sporty pony tail, but it's cut really short. I'm guessing when it's down her hair just reaches her shoulders. On her neck in directly below her pony is something new. A tattoo? Four symbols of the changing moon.

"Claire?" I ask dumbfounded.

* * *

**A/N: hehe! **

**This chapter and the couple after it that I'm writing are the ones that have been in my head since I started writing this story. I'm excited to write them! Which means they should be out faster! **

**For Summer fans...you are just going to love me!**

**actually...oh man I think I should go write some more after I post this. AH! **

**If I'm excited, you should be too!**

**-c.c**


	8. I'm sorry, what?

**A/N: okay let's just recap on how amazing I am. Two chapters in two days...and this one's extra long too! **

**Read, enjoy, leave love...because I'm on a roll.**

**inspiration has been very good lately ;]**

* * *

"Quil!" Emily calls from the kitchen. I turn away and walk into the kitchen to see what she wants. "I hope you don't mind, but I invited a few extra guests for a welcome home party."

And then from behind Emily, I hear her voice. "Hey mom? Where did you set the pasta salad?"

She's standing at the counter facing away from me, talking to her mom who's in the dining room setting the table. Her black hair is back in that sporty pony tail, but it's cut really short. I'm guessing when it's down her hair just reaches her shoulders. On her neck in directly below her pony is something new. A tattoo? Four symbols of the changing moon.

"Claire?" I ask dumbfounded.

***

She turns towards the sound of my voice. When I see her face, I actually realize how much she's grown up during the last four years. All her resemblance of a child has gone in the past few years. She's still thin, wearing a red tank top that hugs to her body and jean shorts that could almost be considered underwear. Her skin is so much darker than I remember. Probably from the sun in L.A. Overall, she looks much more like a woman than she did before. And still just as heartbreakingly beautiful.

"Hey, Quil!" It's been so long!" she says and maneuvers through the small kitchen to give me a friendly hug. I love the way it feels when she touches me in any way. It seems as if imprinting is permanent, and is like a fine wine, getting better with age.

She pulls away and I manage to say, "It's good to see you, too."

"Quil," Sam calls from my front door.

Reluctantly I look over my shoulder towards him and he signals me outside, probably to help him with the grill. It's far too old and the only one who knows how to actually light it is me. I give Claire an apologetic smile and she grins back and then turns to help Emily with the food preparations.

Quickly I head outside to see Sam, shutting the front door behind me so that the cool air is kept inside. Out by the grill Sam stands trying to get the burners to light.

"Here," I say jiggling the switches a few times.

"Thanks," Sam says confidently. "Quil, I called you out here for more than you to simply light the grill. Did you see the guy on the couch next to Summer?"

"Briefly," I respond trying to remember him. "Emily called me into the kitchen before I could actually talk to him."

Sam folds his arms across his chest and exhales audibly. "Do you know who that is?"

I shake my head.

"Mind you Emily had no idea he would be coming when she invited Claire and her parents over tonight. She wanted it to be like a Welcome Back Home party for Claire. And Claire asked if she could bring two people, and of course Emily said yes. And we would have had it at our house but Emily had already promised that we'd be here for dinner and we didn't want to have you try to bring Melody all the way to our house, so we though it's be all right with you if we had the party here," he says obviously withholding something.

"Really, Sam I don't mind at all. I don't care if you guys invite people over here. In fact this is the most use I've actually gotten out of this house since it became mine," I say reassuringly, try ingot edge him on to get to the point because I know it's something other than apologizing for bringing people over to my house. I turn to the grill and take the hamburgers from the plate on the side panel of it and slowly place each piece of meat onto the flames.

"That guy," Sam pauses. "Quil, that guy is Nick."

I accidentally let my right hand slap down on the burning flame. "Shit!" I scream out of pain from the burn, and somewhat out of the fact that Claire's boyfriend is sitting on my couch. I clench the wrist of my right hand gasping at the sudden pain.

Sam waits patiently. We both know that this will heal almost instantly. The red has already turned pink, and now glossy scarred white. "You okay," he asks.

"Yeah, Perfect," I respond sarcastically. I'm pissed and shaking a little at the thought of Nick even being within a ten mile radius of me, let alone my house.

Sam puts his hand on my shoulder and advises, "Quil calm down. Remember phasing while you're that angry isn't safe."

I try to breathe in and out but I growl a little at Sam.

"Hey I didn't know he was coming back here with her. Emily and I didn't know he was here until they pulled up at your house," Sam says apologetically. "Listen, from the little interaction I've had with him, I'm not sure I like him. But Claire apparently does, so as long as he's not doing anything I can't obviously object to I can't say anything to her. And her parents seem to like him, so there's no point in starting a family fight."

"He's in my house," I growl at him. I shake both of my hands, the pain gone from the burned one now, and exhale trying to calm myself. I walk towards the side of the house, thankful that there are no windows on this specific wall of my house and put my arms straight out in front of me and lean up against it, annoyed and at a loss of what to do with myself.

Sam just nods and says, "I'm not sure Claire knew that we were coming here to your house tonight. I think she thought we were going to be at Emily's. And she didn't know that it's your house now." Sam pauses. "Quil, you didn't tell her that you father died?"

It's not really a question it's an accusation. I simply shake my head, still facing the wall.

"Quil, I'll never understand how or why you gave her space the past four years. You two seemed to be making progress at Thanksgiving that one year."

"She didn't want to change anything. It was all just a show," I say dryly. "She said that she didn't want to hurt me. I think she achieved that, or wanted to achieve that, by staying away."

I can hear Sam checking the burgers on the grill. I can tell in his momentary silence he's contemplating what advice to give me. I'm thankful that Sam's always tried to make the best out of this odd situation. I take a step towards the wall, concluding that my anger should be under control, and take the side of my left fist and punch the wall, releasing some form of my hostility.

"Fine," I say. "I have to go check on Melody."

I turn and walk inside, more out of hope to see Claire. Once inside I can see that Emily has Melody in her arms feeding her near the door where I've come in. Embry and Paul are playing rock band with the sound on mute, probably because Emily told them not to make Mel cry. Claire's parents are talking with Summer about her upcoming trip to Spain in the kitchen. Nick and Claire are sitting at the dining room table talking.

"Quil!" Claire calls. Although I like the fact that she's calling my name, I'm a little resentful. I'd like to snap this guys neck. I make my way over into the dining room, but no one else pays attention to her call or our exchange. They're all too busy within their own worlds.

"Quil, this is Nick," Claire says.

Nick reaches his hand out to shake mine and I make sure I give him a nice firm grip, not realizing how hot I must feel to him. He looks a little shocked as we shake hands but tried to act unimpressed. Obviously, Claire's informed him of who I am. "Nice to meet you," he says, trying to be nice; something Claire probably advised.

"So Claire tells me you teach at the school she's going to be teaching at this fall," he says trying to pick up a conversation.

"Yeah," I respond, taking a seat on the other side of the table. "I'm a math teacher. Mostly Calculus. What are you doing. I know you just graduated, got any offers yet?"

"Um, I'm actually just doing musical composition. I'm a composer, so I don't really have any offers because it's more of a develop yourself type industry. I want to write scores for movie etc. I'm from L.A., so my parents are in the industry and I think I'm going to work with my dad for a little while," he says.

"He plays the piano really well," Claire boasts for him, placing her hand gently on his shoulder.

"That's cool," I say. "I'm pretty good at guitar hero."

Claire laughs, "Oh you can't play as well as him."

"Really?" I counter.

"Wanna bet?" she asks leaning into the table.

"Paul! Embry! Your turn is over. I gotta kick some ass on that thing!" I yell into the living room.

Nick laughs and we all get up from the table and head into the living room. Nick leads the way and Claire follows but stops short and turns back to me. I stop, facing her, she checks behind her towards Nick who's already watching Paul and Embry, waiting for us to follow, and then turns back to me.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I thought we were going to Aunt Emily's. I would have never brought him here if I'd known."

"It's all right," I say even though it's a lie. Shrugging, brushing it off like nothing is the most I can come up with when I'm face to face with her. I know that if I actually expressed what I'd like to do to him, she would be unhappy and I didn't want that to be the case.

She looks down and shakes her head up and down a little and then returns her stare to mine. "Quil, why didn't you tell me your father was sick?"

Her eyes plea for a response, like she's sorry that she wasn't there for me. "I didn't want to bother you anymore," I say looking own at my feet, regretting my decision of not calling her.

She exhales audibly. "Well I would have been there for you, even if I was on the other side of the world. I'm sorry about your dad, Quil."

She steps forward and wraps a single arm around me. I enjoy her touch once more, but she pulls away too quickly. Before I can recover from our small conversation, she's in the other room cheering on Embry and Paul as they finish the song they are playing. I follow behind.

Once their finished, Paul hands me his guitar and Embry hands his to Nick, wishing him luck.

"Quil plays expert perfectly, just to let you know Nick," Embry teases as he sits down on the couch, betting for me to slaughter him.

"Oh, I'm ready for that!" he replies edging on the competition.

The song starts, though it's still on low because Emily is taking care of Melody, playing with her in the kitchen, talking to Claire's parents. Everyone else comes into the living room to watch us battle. Throughout the entire song there are cheers, unfortunately all causing Melody to cry. But the competitive banter fuels my score and when the song ends and the scores pop up, I'm shocked.

"What the fuck! Two perfect scores?" Embry cries out.

Everyone laughs, talking about how that's nearly impossible. Nick turns to me shakes my hand and says, "A worthy opponent."

"Equal," Claire says laughing, and then she takes his hand to lead him to the kitchen. After that the commotion disperses in search of the food, I stand there in my living room still staring at the score. There's no way we can be equal.

Suddenly not hungry, I take Melody from Emily so that she can eat. We go into my old bedroom, the one with her crib and where I put the rest of her things, and I sit down on the floor with Mel. She's just beginning to sit up on her own, so I sit so that one of my legs is bent, my outer thigh laying flat against the floor, and the other on slightly bent, knee towards the ceiling so that my body creates a little cave for her to sit. I set her there and she just chills, taking her small hand and trying to wrap it around my pointer finger.

Melody reminds me so much of Claire, and it's saddening to see how much time has passed. I wonder if our relationship will be in the same place as it is now when Melody is Claire's age. Leaning my head up against the wall, I close my eyes. She's making it nearly impossible to be in my own house.

How can we be equal in her eyes? I know I'm taking her comment out of context, but we are not equal in anyway. I can't imagine any love that he has for her being as strong as mine. He could try to refute this, but it's true. Sam loved Leah, but that didn't mean a thing when Emily came around. And although Leah was hurt, she moved on.

At least we're equal though. That's better than being less than him. Although I am. I mean less to her that he does.

Melody whimpers, and I know that I'll have to talk to her. I didn't realize how much my voice sounded like Jared until now.

"Hey, Mel. Don't cry," I say, opening my eyes. "Mel, why do you feel like I have to talk to you? I would sing, but that shouldn't be allowed. Though I'm sure Nick the dick could play you a real nice lullaby.

"I should be nice. Wouldn't want Emily to hear me teaching you names like 'Nick the dick.' What can I tell you that no one would mind me telling you," I ponder. "Equal," I scoff mockingly. but as I'm finishing the sentence there's a knock at the door frame.

"Not hungry?" Claire asks.

I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak. I wonder if she heard the 'Nick the dick' comment.

"Mind if I join you?" she asks coming in and shutting the door behind her. I shrug in response and she sits down on the floor cross-legged, facing me. "Quil, I wanted to talk to you."

Melody chokes out a small cry, and I say, "Shh, Mel. This is Claire. I've told you about Claire." I don't really mean to say the last part out loud. Mel quiets at the sound of my voice. I think she's fussy because Emily put her though a lot of activity during the last three hours she's been up. Mel's tired. Trying to seize the time with Claire, I pick Mel up and lay her down in her crib, and then I return to my spot on the floor against the wall. "What's up?" I ask her trying to gain some sort conscious being in myself at the moment.

"I tried to earlier- to have a conversation with you about us," she begins. I focus on the word _us_. "Um- sorry I'm having a little incoherency with words right now," she laughs uncomfortably.

"Just say it. At this point I don't think I want to do this little dance around what we both want anymore and I'm sure you don't either. Really, I think both of us can handle that," I encourage her. I think I'm able to see through her feeble attempts at giving me hope.

She smiles weakly. "I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry. The last time we talked I guess I was too immature to handle anything. I think that's changed now," she responds to my encouragement. She leans forward resting her elbows on her knees. I can practically smell her scent strengthen as she gets closer to me even by the smallest centimeter. "I know we're going to be working together and I don't want there to be any weirdness."

"Yeah, I'd like for us to be able to at least not have everyone judging what's going on between us," I let slip out. It's just so natural to talk with her.

"Yeah," she agrees smiling. My heart almost cannot take it. Suddenly it's like I'm whole again when she's around.

Melody hums from the crib and I know she's deeply asleep.

"So why are you really in here and not eating with the rest of us?" she asks.

I lean forward matching her position on the floor and softly reply, "I don't know. Someone had to keep an eye on Mel."

"You know I know that's not really it right? I know I always do this, or more so I walk in on it and never mean to actually overhear it, but you're jealous," she accuses. "Quil, that's understandable. I mean I know how you work, with me that is. But it's hardly fair to hold it against me. You can be honest with me. You don't have to hide. I hate that, because everyone knows what's going on, they're just turning a blind eye to it, to let us work it out."

She has grown up a lot over these past few years. She's logical, smart, confident. She says what she's thinking. She doesn't over think. She's not the Claire I was in love with. She's a new Claire. One that is far more attractive, physically and mentally. A new Claire to be in love with.

I exhale roughly, "So I'm that obvious." My statement is true, but also lightens the conversation.

"Yeah," she laughs. "I said the scores were equal, not you two. You are two very different people."

"Fine, apparently I was over thinking it."

"Yes, you were. Come on Quil, I know you too well," she says standing up.

I get up as well, and check the baby monitor to make sure it's on. She watches me and says, "You were always the best babysitter. Part of me thinks that's why my parents moved onto the reservation. So that the babysitter was closer," she says laughing then turns serious. "I think it was good though."

"What?" I ask puzzled. We're standing in the middle of my old room, facing each other, mirroring each other's positions; arms downs by our sides, weight mainly resting back on our right legs.

"Staying away. I mean I got a chance to actually find out my own beliefs in life. That only comes from college and living on my own. But I didn't totally escape. I was in Italy and learned all about their vampire legends. I actually had to write a paper on it," she says raising her eyebrows. "And I really wanted to call you for help on it but I figured it was better to stay away- to let you heal. I was only hurting you by coming around."

"You were staying away from me? And I was staying away from you," I say laying all the facts on the figurative table.

The corners of her mouth draw into a small frown. "That's what I meant by 'you will.' I meant that I'd leave you alone and not bother you so that I couldn't hurt you. And the second I come back home I do it again," she explains. "I'm sorry. I really didn't know that we were coming over here. Or that you'd even be here. I thought you'd probably avoid the party and come talk to me on you own time without anyone watching."

"I forgive you Claire. You know I can't stay mad at you. It's pretty much impossible," I remind her. I don't like seeing her trying to seek my approval. That's my job.

"So are we good? Like friends and whatnot?" Claire asks tilting her head like she's pleading for the honest answer.

"Of course," I say and take two step toward her to hug her.

She wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me back, and I feel that jolt of electricity when we touch again. And as we both pull away, reluctantly for me, I don't realize what I'm actually doing. My right hand come up and lightly brushes over her hair and then slides to her neck. My left falls from her mid-back down to her right hip. I lean down bridging the gap between our two heights and gently press my lips to hers.

But I don't stop there. Her lips begin to move with mine. I'm not only kissing her, she's kissing me back. I pull her hips closer to mine and she comes in willingly. Her hands arrive at my chest, where they grip my shirt and pull me in closer to her.

And as quickly as I let this happen, she suddenly turns her face away from mine, and we're both breathless. She leans back slightly, though from the waist down we're still touching. Her expression as she turns to stare back at me. She's shocked at what I just did, and probably more at how easily she went along with it.

For a few more moments we catch our breaths together, and then she pushes away from me and says, "I'm sorry. I have to go."

* * *

**A/N: (pt 2) **

**Now where else did she say that?**

**See I won't make him suffer for too long :]**

**-c.c**


	9. Lucky

Still standing, confusion and pride washes over me. I really shouldn't have kissed her, not when I knew she wouldn't approve of it. But somehow she did approve of it and the kiss was no longer one sided was it? Now I'm absolutely convinced that she can't help it. Somehow she still likes, or possibly more, me too. But then she left, without an explanation and now all I have is the memory and an empty door frame through which she left.

I can hear the dishes in the kitchen clanking as they hit the bottom of the sink. Everyone's cleaning up after dinner. I turn to check on Melody, who's now sleeping soundly in her crib. I really don't understand how she can sleep that much. Turning back, after checking the baby monitor, the empty doorway has now been filled with the two very large masses of Embry and Paul.

"So you want to tell us why Claire just made a very quick getaway with Summer and Nick?" Embry asks, looking a little disappointed that Summer had left the party. Stepping into the room, he folds his arms over his chest and leans up against the wall.

I smile stupidly.

Paul takes a few steps in and artfully shuts the door with his foot. "Oh ho! What happened?" Paul asks as if he's alluding to something; pointing at the stretched out cotton of my t-shirt, where Claire's left over hand prints remain from her pulling me into her. "My guess is it was something more than talking and would constitute as you helping her cheat on her boyfriend."

I smile sheepishly and ask, " What exactly constitutes cheating?"

Paul and Embry start antagonizing, "Whoa!"

"We kissed that's all," I admit. I don't want to let my mind run and make it any more that it actually is.

Embry chuckles, "Must have been one hell of a kiss. She didn't look mad at all, just shocked and kinda like she wanted to rush out as quickly as possible."

"Yeah it was one hell of a kiss," I chuckle back, trying in my mind to hold on to the clarity of the recent memory, but then I sigh realizing that although I love this brotherly joking between the three of us, I know that I now have quite a more serious discussion to have with Embry. This kiss solidifies my decision.

"Embry, I'm trying to stop," I say absolutely.

His smile fades as comprehension washes over him. He knows I'm going to try to stop phasing in hope that I can be with Claire. He's seen the thought, or the idea more or less, in my mind before, but he's never witnessed my conviction to carrying out the plan. After twenty years of being twenty five, of hearing each other's thoughts, I'm going to leave the pack.

He clenches his teeth, adverts his eyes away from me and exhales deeply. " Fine." He's absolute. Almost pissed.

"Sorry," I say looking down at the floor.

Paul shifts his weight on the floor uncomfortably.

Embry chuckles suddenly. "You have to make it up to me then," he laughs.

I'm stunned. "How?"

"You have to get Summer over here more often. She's been single for too long and I've gone four years without anyone who'll watch wrestling with me."

His lighthearted joking, I take as his way of accepting that I'm leaving the pack.

"I'll try," I say slugging him on the shoulder.

Together we check to make sure that our conversation has not woken Melody, but I knew it wouldn't. If I sound like Jared, then Paul and Embry must too. Together us talking must sound like him and relax her to sleep. Quietly we creep out of the room and back into the kitchen where Sam and Emily are sitting with Claire's parents drinking coffee at my small kitchen table.

"I have to get going, I told the wife I'd fix the water heater," Paul announces and heads towards the door. "Although in this heat I can't understand why anyone would need hot water," he says exiting through the door.

Embry claps me on the shoulder. "Yeah I better head out too. Emily thank you for dinner as always," Embry says to Emily, in a very gentlemanly tone. Turning back to me he says sarcastically, "It's been lovely, now I got to talk to Mark."

Sam eyes me suspiciously as Embry leaves out the door. Trying to be rid of his stare I make my way into the kitchen and check the fridge. Emily's left food for me on a plate to be warmed up. I take it out and warm it up in the microwave.

Pulling up an extra chair to the table I sit down with my food. I realize that I'm more hungry than I originally thought I was. In fact I try to keep my mouth full at all times, so that Claire's parents, Sam, and Emily can't ask me why Claire obviously left so abruptly. My plan only works for the amount of time that there's food on my plate and the second I take my last bite I know I'm in trouble. In my peripheral I see Emily shake her head, but Sam look in my direction.

"So Quil, can you tell me what that was about?" Sam asks.

"What what was about?" I reply stupidly. There are two possible questions that came out of his mouth, I want to be sure that I answer the right one.

"Let's start with why Embry looks like you just shot him," Sam pushes.

Claire's parents laugh uncomfortably at how Sam addresses me, almost like a father scolding his son. But Sam and I are not as far apart in age as we look, although he seems to act so.

Since there's no one in this room I necessarily have to keep secrets from, I say truthfully, "I'm leaving the pack."

"Ah, I wondered when this was going to happen," Sam ponders. "Now for the question we all want to know," he begins once more leaving the subject of me departure from the pack where it is.

As Sam tries to finish his sentence, Claire's father interrupts him, "why did Claire leave so abruptly?"

A periodic silence ensues as I glace back and forth between Sam, Emily, and Claire's parents. "Umm, not to be rude, but I don't think I should say," I finally manage to say.

"Anything we should be worried about?" Claire's mother asks with a concerned look.

I exhale roughly. "No, it's nothing. We're just trying to get over weirdness so we can work together in the fall," I smile. It's a logical lie. I don't know if Claire would tell her parents what actually happened, but I didn't want to say it if she wouldn't.

"Good, because if you make my daughter cry I will hurt you," Claire's father says sternly and then laughs. "I'm only joking."

After that Claire's parents quietly make their way out, telling Emily that they'll see her soon. I wave goodbye from the front door, while Sam and Emily pack up in the kitchen.

"Since you brought Nick the dick into my house you owe me," I say with a sly smile on my face, turning to Sam and Emily the moment the door is shut. While Claire's parents said their goodbyes I had hatched a plan. If there was any time to act on Claire's feelings for me, now is the time to do it. I've got her defenses down. She's confused. She kissed me back.

"Quil, we didn't know," Emily reasons.

"Would you mind watching Melody for an hour or two?" I ask.

Sam stares me down for a moment and the nods. As I put my hand on the door handle he calls after me, "Don't do anything stupid!"

I run full speed through the humid night air towards the shelter of the forest. Once out of view I undress quickly and breathe in and out. I realize that the speed, and the freedom associated with my werewolf abilities will soon been gone as long as I control myself not to phase. Noting that this could possibly be one of the last times I enjoy the perks of the pack, I phase smoothly feeling the full sensation.

_Is this the last time you're going to grace us with your presence_? Embry's thoughts ask the moment they hear mine.

_Ha, possibly, _I reply.

Picking up my pants in my mouth I run full speed towards Claire's house. It takes mere minutes, but for that brief time I enjoy the stretching and contracting in my muscles, the fluidity of the wind flowing over my body, and the soothing rhythm of my paws making contact with the soft ground. Once safely in the forest outside her home, I phase back smoothly to my human form, feeling the heat being suppressed by my mind, and quickly put on my pants. As inconspicuously as possible I creep around to the edge of her house, glancing in the windows, and listen intently. Claire's parents have obviously arrive just moments before I have and are in the kitchen putting away the leftovers in the fridge, and talking about bills. Nick is sitting on the couch, comfortably flipping through channels on the television. I don't see Claire though.

Quietly and carefully, I make my way around the edge of her house over to the tree beneath her bedroom window. The blinds are open, and she's staring out into the forest. Somehow I think she's waiting for me. I step away from the tree out into the yard where it's lit from her window light.

She doesn't seem surprised to see me, like she was completely expecting me, bare chest and all. She holds up one finger, as to tell me to wait exactly where I am. I wait. The light turns off in her bedroom. The darkness is an adjustment to me, and by the time my eyes fully adapt to the new light, I hear footsteps and see Claire approaching, putting on a light sweatshirt.

"Hey," she says and walks right past me into the woods. I follow slightly confused, but then I realize that she must have said that she was taking a walk, and she wanted to be out of view, not needing to risk Nick seeing her with me.

It is darker in the forest. The trees block out most of the moonlight, but some of it escapes down through gaps in tree braches. Claire walks ahead of me; her movement still athletic and graceful. She begins to slow her pace. When she stops, I come to meet her. We stand face to face, about two feet apart, just staring at each other. From practically out of no where her arm retracts and slaps my face.

"What the hell was that?" she asks, her chest still heaving with rage.

My face feels slightly cooler from where her palm made contact with my face, but it doesn't hurt. Somehow this reminds me of the time Jake kissed Bella, except that Bella tried to punch him and broke a knuckle. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Back at you house- what was that for?" she asks.

I smile. "I'm sorry. I really didn't know what came over me," I say running my hand through my hair.

"You can't do that! I'm mean you just can't go around kissing people," she says exasperated. She walks over to sit on a large fallen tree branch. "Quil, what am I supposed to do? I know how you feel about me, and I know how Nick feels about me…"

"But you don't know how you feel about either of us," I finish for her.

"No," she says absolutely. "I love Nick, very much. Quil, come here."

I walk over to her and sit where she pats the branch next to her.

"Quil, I can't tell Nick about this. I'm not going to. That would hurt him too much."

"But you have no problem hurting me," I say darkly. It wasn't exactly the word choice I would have wanted to use, but it fit well with what she had said

"Quil, I wish I could say I'm sorry and that I don't mean to push you away...but I can't. It just comes down to the fact that you're never going to change. You'll always change yourself for me, and you're never yourself."

I sigh, now's the moment to tell her. "But see that's the thing Claire. I'm not going to change anymore. Not in the way you mean it, but in the way that I'm giving up the werewolf thing. I made the decision tonight. I told Embry. I'm done. The super natural's going to be gone from me soon, and I'll start aging again," I explain looking at her shocked face.

"Please don't say you're doing it for me," she says and I see a small bit of water well up in above her bottom eyelid.

Truth washes over me. "Originally I was doing it for you. That's where the idea stemmed from, and so that I could be the same age as you from now on. But now," I pause and exhale roughly. "Now I don't think I'm doing it because of you. It's time. I've been doing this for a little over two decades. I'm ready to move on with my life, whatever and where ever that may be."

She's quiet and contemplative for a moment still determining the honesty of my statement. She turns her head as far away from me as possible, and I realize that she's crying. I get up and kneel down in front of her.

"Claire, why are you crying?" I ask slightly alarmed.

She shakes her head and says, "I am just so confused."

"About what?" I ask reaching forward with my right hand to wipe away a tear falling from her cheek, and leave it resting on her face.

She looks down fumbling with her fingers in her lap. "About kissing you back."

"So I didn't imagine that," I chuckle. Thank God I didn't imagine that!

She chokes a laugh out between her quiet sobs. Turning her head into my hand that's still resting on her cheek, she presses her lips firmly to it. Then, taking her left hand she takes hold of my wrist and that's practically all I need. We both stand up, and she pulls herself into me, wrapping her arms around my neck, and placing a kiss on my bare chest. I let my fingers make their way under the hem of her shirt so that I can pull her in closer to me, pressing my thumbs into her hip bones.

And then our lips meet and I pull my hand up to the back of her neck, feeling the even skin where her tattoo is. I break us away for a second, and ask "When did you get that?"

She places a kiss underneath my chin. "Stupid drunk night, after Nick and I had a fight."

Suddenly she pushes me away. "Shit!" she exclaims and her hands fly up to cover her mouth. "Fuck! Nick!" She begins to run back in the direction of her house, and I run after her.

Too quickly we reach the edge of the forest outside her house.

"Claire wait!" I say slightly exasperated.

With absolute resolution on her face she turns back to me and says, "Quil, we'll figure it out. Come to first beach tomorrow morning around eleven."

And then she's gone within a blink of eye, dashing back into her house.

She's giving a chance. I know that luck has found me, if only for a moment.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Sorry for the delay...I had to fix some technical matters of the plot line. And I know there are probably a few errors in this one but I didn't really edit it that much so forgive me.**

**Next chapter Summer's back...and it's going to be oh so fantastic...but here's the deal:**

**I would like your opinion regarding this story's future. I've posted a poll on my user page thing (whatever you'd like to call it). Please answer it because it will make me post again sooner. :] **

**-c.c**


	10. Cold

Sam reluctantly takes Melody off my hands the next morning again at nine thirty. He's not happy with the fact that his 'kid free' week, while the boys are off at camp, turned into helping me baby sit. I remind him that Kim and Jared will be back in the morning, to pick her up and I won't try to pawn her off on him again.

Early for my meeting with Claire, I decide to take a jog on human legs. Since my transformation I haven't exercised once. Patrol kept me fit, but running on two legs has a different feeling; a little more constrained. Although I can't get the speed I'm used to in my furry form, I jog at a good human speed along the crescent of First Beach. The cool water crashes against the smooth rocks, and the sun shines tiny rays through the overcast clouds.

Once I reach the end of the beach I take a small break, slipping off my tennis shoes and wading into the shallow water. The temperature is cool against my body, and I take my hands and splash some of it against my bare chest. After A few minutes I check my watch. I still had and hour, I could go back and shower before meeting up with Claire.

Turning back, I appraise the shoreline. On the opposite side of the shore line I can make out two figures sitting on the rock Claire and I used to share. Squinting my eyes to see who's on it, I see Summer's very blonde hair, and next to her my body knows right away. It's Claire. Knowing that Claire tells Summer everything, I quickly slip my shoes back on and head the opposite way into the woods next the sand. Once concealed I run, human, full speed to the other end. It takes a few minutes, and I'm breathing heavily from the run, but it's worth it. I can hear Claire and Summer talking from about twenty years away. Choosing a tree, closest to them without announcing my presence, I climb it and rest, breathing quietly so that I can eavesdrop.

"Well at the house, I wasn't really in control of it. He kissed me," Claire explains to Summer. "But then in the forest, I really just couldn't help myself, and the second I thought of Nick I stopped it."

Summer laughs, "You know you should really stop falling into people's faces."

I lean my head against the tree trunk and close my eyes for less distractions.

"Should I tell Nick?" Claire asks apprehensively.

God I hope she doesn't. I'd rather she break up with him than him with her. I wouldn't want to be the reason for her being unhappy.

"I don't know," Summer replies. She obviously doesn't want to tell Claire to do something. She wants Claire to make her own decisions. I was wrong about Summer. She doesn't influence Claire as much as I thought she could.

There's a silence, just the sound of the waves coming in and out on the beach. I open my eyes and peer down at the rock, to see if some nonverbal communication is going on between the two of them. All I see is that both girls are staring out at the water in contemplative silence. They're both so different physically. Claire dark, short hair, dark skin, compared to Summer's platinum blonde with tanned skin, exactly the kind of girl who Embry adores. Each wearing light tan shorts; Claire in a red tank top, and Summer in gunmetal zebra print. But they're both so similar in their mannerisms, that it's hard to explain.

Claire's voice sounds uncertain when she speaks again. "Summer? Do you think you can be in love with two people at once?"

"No, but I did have the same intense feelings for both Jeff and Matt Hardy," Summer jokes.

There's another immeasurable pause.

"Nick asked me to marry him," Claire says clearly as a statement of fact, still staring out at the water.

My heart sinks to the lowest level it's ever been. I clench my eyes shut and remember that she said she loved him last night. So stupid. I'm fighting a losing battle. Each time I think I'm close to getting used to her hurting me, it gets worse and each blow is as painful or even worse than the last.

When I open my eyes I see that Summer's response is simply a look, that I'm not sure how to explain.

"Yeah," Claire replies looking down. I can't tell whether it's sarcasm or something else saturating her tone. She looks back up towards the water. "I told him I'd think about it."

"Lord knows you don't think enough Claire," Summer says taking the words practically out of my head. "So if you do agree to this do I get to throw you a bachelorette party or did last night with Quil qualify as one?"

They both laugh, and I smile too. Summer knows how to make a serious conversation less tense.

"Whenever I decide to do put on the white dress, you can of course have your way with my bachelorette party," Claire laughs.

I adjust my position on the branch to glance at my watch. I still had ten minutes until I had to meet up with Claire. Was Summer going to be in on our conversation? Like a baby sitter so that Claire wouldn't do anything that constitutes cheating.

"I have to get back home, heading up to the cabin with the family for the Great Cabin Bash, which is my name for the family beer fest, which you would call a family reunion," Summer says sarcastically. She hops off the rock and brushes the back of her tan shorts like there might be some for of dirt on them. "If you do decide to say yes to that proposal, you can certainly tell me as soon as possible, so I can call my friend at the Chippendales immediately."

She departs with a laugh. She walks down the beach a slight way , and then heads back towards the dirt lot. Claire remains still, her knees brought up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them, staring out into the crashing waves.

Quietly I descend the tree that has become my perch, and jog towards the dirt lot to see Summer's yellow jeep departing on it's way towards the main road. I head back up towards the beach, coming from the direction Claire would expect me to come from. I calm my face as I approach her, trying not to think about the fact that Nick has proposed, clinging to that strand of hope that she'll tell him no.

I can tell she can hear me as I approach and take what was formally Summer's spot to the right of Claire, but she doesn't turn to look or acknowledge my existence. Bringing my knees up I copy her position waiting for her to set the tone of our conversation.

"Do you ever wear a shirt anymore, Quil?" She asks dully, and she continues not to look a me.

"Working out, didn't want to be too hot," I shortly retort. Apparently she just didn't want to be nice today.

She sighs and rests her left cheek on the top of her knees, to stare at me. "I didn't mean it like that," she breathes. "I'm just saying it's making it harder for me to be around you when you have to be half naked all the time."

Inside I smile, but on the outside I look at her and ask, "Harder how?"

She shakes her head slightly, still in her relaxed position. "It's possible, for everyone else in this world to think that more than one person at a time is attractive."

"You think I'm attractive?" I ask slyly and slightly surprised.

"Shut up, Quil! You already knew that. I told you that ages ago," she says smiling, picking her head up and playfully slapping me on the arm.

I laugh along with her.

She becomes serious quickly though. "Quil, what an I going to do with you?" she ponders running her hand through her hair. She inhales and exhales, and I can't help but marvel at how beautiful she looks when she's doing the simplest things.

"Quil, I have to tell you something. And don't freak out. Don't get upset until everything is out on the table," she says seriously and nervously at the same time. "Nick has asked me to marry him."

She holds her breath like I'm going to flip a new one, or she's just gauging my reaction waiting for an explosion or something. She appears as if she feels slightly guilty. All I can think of is to tell her the truth. "I know."

She stares, puzzled.

"I heard you're conversation with Summer. Or part of it anyway. I'm sorry for eavesdropping. It was wrong," I apologize, trying to sound sincere, and I was…for the most part.

She shakes her head, and I can't tell if she's angry or what. "I'm mad; feeling a bit invaded, but at the same time I can't be now can I? I eavesdropped on you before. Knew it had to happen sometime in reverse."

"Quil, I haven't given him an answer because of you," she explains. Hope swells within me. "Since I've gotten back things have been weird. Seeing you, reminds me of all the immature reasons I had for leaving, but at the same time I can't just forget the past four years I've had.

"I mean I see Nick, and I'm in love with him, but then I see you and there's something there too," she says taking her gaze towards the sky.

Yes there is something there. Finally she's coming around. Can I shake her to make her gain some sense?

"Quil, it's really nice to be around you. I mean it feels normal," she says looking back at me. "You did ask me though where I got my tattoo though."

"Yeah," I murmur, lost in her face for a second. A coherent sentence was just not going to make it's way into my mind. In addition, I'm shocked at her sudden change in subject.

"I'm sorry I never answered that question," she begins. "When I was in Italy, I ran into Jake. When I explained to Nick who he was later that night when we were alone, he was angry because he thought that you and I we're secretly still talking because Jake had mention your name."

"Secretly?" I ask interrupting her.

"Well, he saw a picture of you and was being stupid and jealous. Plus, Summer would never let up on how our relationship was always so damn perfect."

One day I'm going to give Summer the best present she's even received. I owe her big.

"Yeah well, anyways," she continues smiling a little. She's embarrassed, and it's an adorable look on her. "Sum' and I went out and had a few drinks, and apparently I was talking about werewolves and how they don't change with the moon, and bing, bang, boom, I've got the symbols of the phases of the moon tattooed down my neck."

I laugh, relishing in the glory of the story. I'm the reason she has that tattoo. No matter what she does, she's going to have that reminder of me on her neck for the rest of her life. I'm there permanently in ink.

"Yeah," she says laughing a little. "I'm the girl who's got a tattoo in relation to her ex-boyfriend. I'm simply a tramp. It's fantastic."

I love hearing her joke in the most light hearted way as possible. For a moment the tension that exists between us has faded.

"Quil, I don't know what I wanted from you today. I guess I just wanted to see you."

"I'm glad," I say, adoration soaking my voice. "Claire, I have so much I want to say to you, and I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to actually say it, but I'm wondering when's the right time for me to."

I stare appraising her. Trying to determine if she'll let me say anything.

She inhales, obviously resolved that she needs to hear this, and simply nods.

Here it goes this is my one chance to say it all. "Claire, I know you think I'm forced to love you, but I don't feel like that at all. You hold me to this world. You make life what it's supposed to be about. I see you and I know everything's right. I'll always give you what you want no matter what. It's in my chemical make up. And as much as I want you, as much as I need you, I'm only able to give you what you want.

"So, that's where I have to leave it," I exhale deeply before giving my conclusion. "It's in your hands. Whatever you want I'll give you."

It was a risk I have to admit, leaving it to her, but after everything I've seen in my abnormally long time, I have to hope.

Claire leans back on her arms, but her knees remain tucked close to her torso. She breaks away from my stare. "I have to think about that," she says.

"Lord knows you don't think enough Claire," I laugh taking Summer's words.

"Yeah. Well, when I'm not thinking I do stupid things like cheat on my boyfriend," she says sharply. I know it was supposed to be a jab at me but I don't care. She acknowledges that this thing that's now going on between us is not just one sided.

"I should go," she says abruptly. "I told my parents I would be back soon, and that I just wanted to see the beach. We're going to go look for apartments near forks for Nick."

"Ah," I say a little disappointed.

Together we get up off of our rock and begin to walk towards the dirt lot. The sky has become move overcast and I wonder how long it will be before the rain comes back. And also I wonder when, when is Claire going to stop thinking and make a decision.

As we reach her car she notes that I don't have one, having ran here. "Do you need a ride?" she asks. I don't know if she's asking to be polite or to spend more time with me.

Not wanting it to be the first, I reply, "No. I'm going to run some more."

"Okay," she responds and I can hear the shock in her voice.

Reluctantly I turn away and head back towards the beach, but then hesitate as I don't hear Claire get in her car and drive away.

"Quil," Claire calls loudly.

I whirl around to stare back at her.

"Can I have a hug at least?" she asks with a cute smile.

I walk back, trying to keep a casual pace. I've played the desperate game too long for her. I can't do anything more than I already have. Placing my arms round her body feels natural, like everything's all right, but I have to keep my head in the reality of the situation. Her arms try to wrap around my muscular build, and she pulls me into her. I kiss her hair, and pull away leaving it at that. "How long are you going to make me suffer, Claire?" I breath.

"Not much longer," she replies coldly.

I turn to leave but I can feel her eyes still on me. "When you get around to not thinking and making a decision, you can give me a call."

And I walk away.

* * *

**A/N: **

**I had originally imagined this chapter from Claire's POV, but I wanted Quil's story to continue. I might post Claire's pov right after this chapter so that you guys can see inside her mind for a brief moment. i don't know yet....it's mostly mindless babble.**

**-c.c.**


	11. Visits

**A/N: I'm probably not going to apologize about the long wait. I've moved out of my house and all that goes along with it...so I haven't had much time. As a continuation of that thought, I'm at school so school now comes before fanfiction. Don't fret I still will try to finish this story soon...but it may take some time. **

**About this chapter, I had to do a lot of setting up for the end, so some of this may seem useless...but it's needed. Also, I didn't edit it...so it's very raw. I actually accidentally wrote "shit the door" instead of "shut the door" multiple times...so if you find anything crazy...I know. I just wanted to get it to you that much faster. :]**

**enjoy**

**-c.c.**

* * *

"Quil!" Embry calls bursting into my house without knocking. "Quil!"

"What?" I ask annoyed, sticking my head out of the hall bathroom, toothbrush in my hand and toothpaste in my mouth.

Embry practically skips down the hall and slaps me on the back. "You are the best, best friend that has ever walked this earth."

I turn back into the bathroom and spit out the toothpaste in my mouth into the sink. I flip on the water and cup a handful onto my mouth and rinse, all the while a little confused on why Embry's so excited.

After spitting for a last time I ask, "Why did I earn such a prestigious standing in your mind? A week ago you were pissed for me quitting the pack and now I'm the best person alive?"

"Not the best person," he corrects following me into my kitchen, where I pull out the container of orange juice, twist the lid and take a swig straight from the carton. "Just best friend. Summer and I have been hanging out. Your art work I presume," he says inclining his head suggestively and leaning up against the adjacent counter.

I chuckle. Over the past week, I harassed Summer for updates on how Claire's decision making was going. In return she wanted someone to go to the WWE's Summer Slam with her. She had two tickets, and needed to make sure Embry wasn't with some bimbo at the moment. Information for information, a fair trade.

"Ha, yeah," I confirm, replacing the lid back on the orange juice.

"Do you realize that ring side seats have been sold out for months?" Embry asks excitedly.

"Summer mentioned something about that."

I walk out into my living room, my mind on my conversations with Summer and Claire. Embry follows like an excited puppy. The couch groans when I plop down onto it. Reaching between the cushions I find the controller to the television and flick it on.

Embry promptly walks over and flicks it off. He folds his arms across his chest and taps his foot, jokingly. "Don't you want to know the real reason I came over here?"

I'm a little pissed at this point. Embry's come into my small place of sanctuary and is ruining it. All I've done lately is taken a page from Claire's book and thought. I'm constantly thinking about her and her decision which she seems less and less likely to make as the days pass. I'm trying to be patient though. Let her figure everything out on her own. My mind has also wandered to the night of her welcome home dinner at my house, trying to figure out what I did right, and what I did wrong.

"It's about Claire," Embry clarifies in a tempting tone.

I roll my eyes. "Of course and it would have been nicer if you got to this earlier."

My scolding makes Embry chuckle deeply and rub his chin with his hand, contemplating where to begin.

"So I was running patrol last night. And I was out by the beach and I heard some yelling," Embry says walking over to the other couch and sitting down on the arm of it. "So I ran down towards the commotion to check it out and I ended up at Claire's house."

"She all right?" I ask quickly, sitting up slightly.

"Yeah, yeah she's fine as far as I can tell. Nick an her were fighting real bad. Something about her kissing you more that one and sneaking off to go see you. He was packing up his car with a bunch of shit, a piano and everything. So I figure either he's got an apartment or he's moving back to California. I'm assuming California, because he said he had a long drive ahead of him."

"She told him?" I ask bewildered. "Honestly, I didn't think she'd tell him."

"Well it wasn't like she was pleading for him to go," Embry continues. "She just was yelling that she was trying to be honest with him."

"So, they could have broken up?" I ask hopefully. Every cell in my body was screaming for her to have made up her mind. I'm excited now.

Embry sighs and stares down at the ground. "He told her to call him when she makes a decision for sure about what she wants. And if it was him, he didn't want her working with you next year."

His last information is grim, but there's a little bit of hope still. She told him, which means that she's acknowledging what happened to others than ourselves. I wonder why Summer hasn't called with this information yet. Has Claire told her what happened yet?

"And Quil? I don't know if her parents had some say in it either. They weren't going to let him shack up with Claire at their house forever," Embry added sadly.

"Shack up? What!?" I question back yelling.

Embry's eyes widen like he's said something wrong and suddenly feared getting punched.

"No. No. No. He was sleeping on the couch, I can assure you that. I misspoke.

"Thanks Embry," I say smiling, starting to find good in all this.

"No problem, though I could use a favor," he says looking back up at me.

I sigh closing my eyes. "What is it Embry?"

"Well, you know how I like to take my cars off-roading?" Embry starts. "I did something to my transmission and I'm guessing it's fried, considering I've had it for almost twenty years. And Summer wants me to drive to Summer Slam, so could we use your nice truck?"

"As long as you don't crash it," I agree sourly. "And you put gas in it."

"Deal," Embry agrees.

After watching a preseason football game on my television for three and a half hours, Embry says he's late for a shift. Having crossed a trail last night he was hesitant at leaving Mark alone for extended periods of time.

Once he's out my door I clean around the house. Picking up the empty chip bags and dusting the furniture. I'm running the water in the kitchen and day dreaming, so I don't hear the knock at the door, until it sounds like banging.

Quickly, I shut off the water and dry my hands on a relatively dry towel and run to the door.

"Inside we need to talk," Summer says greeting me without a smile. She marches determined into my living room and waits for me to follow. She's wearing jean shorts and a shirt that reads 'Hogwarts is so last year, I'm going to Starfleet Academy.' In my head, I laugh wondering if I should tell her that Embry is probably the most hard core Star Trek fan that has ever walked. I'm pretty sure he stalked William Shatner for a good five years through middle school.

"Okay, I'm about to make your day right now," she says quickly. "I have to be quick, my mom had to drive me by to get _something of Embry's that he left here_."

I catch on and run into my bedroom where I grab a grey sweatshirt that could have belonged to anyone in the pack. "Here," I say throwing it back to her.

"Okay. Claire and Nick had a fight last night. He packed his stuff up and drove to a motel where he's going to stay for a few days, then he's going back to California," Summer spits out quickly.

"How long is a few days?" I ask wondering how long until I have the clear of him really being gone.

Summer sighs and folds her arms over her chest, the grey sweatshirt tangling itself between her forearms, and she looks pointedly off to her left before meeting my stare once again. "I know what you're thinking, Quil. Just because he leaves doesn't mean she'll run to you."

I clench and unclench my teeth, suppressing anger. One week and counting, as for phasing.

"Anyways my mom is going to wonder what's taking so long," Summer shrugs and heads towards the door. "If I find out anything more, I'll text."

She lets herself out with a wave.

Somehow being on friendly terms with Summer, or friendlier than we ever were before is odd to me. She's not acting like herself. As walk through my house turning on lights because the dusk has begin to set, a small thought enters my mind. She knows more than she lets on. Summer lied. She cut out quick, glanced sideways, held something back from me. Claire's told her something that Summer has been forbidden to tell me.

Or I'm just working myself up into something, like Bella always used to do. Except for the most part she was right.

I make a small dinner consisting of Ramen noodles and chocolate milk. Somehow I feel like I'm in college again. Except this time I don't get to spend my spare time with Claire. It's not only that she's playing back and forth between what she wants.

I stop chewing, unsatisfied. Shaking my head, disgusted with myself, I sigh, "I'm such a terrible person."

I was so cold to Claire the last time we spoke that I'm not surprised that she didn't come to me right away. How can I be cold to her? How can I hate her for everything that's happened but still love her so much? It's just crap. She's right. This supernatural shit, that's meant to protect, meant to be good, has fucked everything up. It's screwed with my life for so long, and I can't be free of it.

Pushing myself up, I walk to the kitchen garbage and pitch my uneaten dinner into the garbage. I kick the door to the garbage, and it rattles loudly. "Fuck it," I breathe.

What a shitty life I lead.

The door shakes noisily as I shut it. Leaning both hands against the counter, rocking my weight back into my heels, I rest my forehead against the cabinet door in front of me and close my eyes. This is just so ridiculous. Why can't I just be a normal guy? Just move on and mindlessly screw other girls until I'm too old to do that anymore. Then, I would choose a girl to settle down with and have one main squeeze.

But I can't. I'm just not wired to work like that anymore. Fuck you imprinting! Fuck you supernatural shit! Fuck being a Quileute! I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't want to have my entire life changed like this. From the moment I met Claire. I sigh roughly, angered. From the moment I met Claire it made life just so much more complicated.

But it also made it so much better. It made it complete.

A secondary voice, one that has become so familiar to me. It's the voice that I started hearing the second my eyes met Claire. It is my conscience.

As much as I hate who I am. As much as I hate what Claire's done to me. As much as I hate what I've done to her. As much as I hate imprinting. As much as I try to forget and can't. As much as I've given. As much as I've taken…

I love her.

I can't help but love her. I know it sounds corny, but she's the center of my universe.

She knows it and she won't do anything about it.

"Damn it," I say to myself, squinting my eyes tighter together. There's a small amount of heat and anger rippling through my chest, something that I have been trying to repress.

Breathing in and out trying to calm myself, I'm startled when for the third time in this day there's a sign of a visitor. The knock at my door is light the first time I hear it, but then quickly it comes again, this time louder, more sure.

I shake off the rest of my anger, for the most part and head for the door. Pulling it open I see her face. Claire. Any emotion but undying love leaves my body.

Her arms are folded across the center of her body over her red tank top, and she's soaked from head to toe, not just a drizzle, her entire body, including her jeans. Her hair is down clinging to her wet skin around her collar bones. Her lips are parted, her eyes apprehensive and scared.

Without words she pulls open the screen door and practically jumps into me, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her face into my chest. I pull her into the cold house, picking her up a little, and shut the door with her still clung to my body, and automatically wrap my arms around her.

Then, taking me by complete surprise and I certainly don't question her actions, she begins to place kisses from the base of my neck, to my jaw, and finally to my lips.


	12. Teaser: Awake

A/N: I'm alive, though school did try to kill me and prevent chapters from being written. This is in no way complete, but simply a teaser chapter to show you that writing has commenced and more is to come soon!

enjoy!

* * *

For the first time in a long time, I'm not sore as I wake up. Also, I can tell that I'm incredibly happy, for reasons I'm not entirely sure. I remember Embry stopping by yesterday, and Summer. And then Claire dropped by?

I open my eyes and find myself lying comfortably on my back in my bed. And then I feel it. The warm body next to me, cuddled up into my right side. Moving my eyes slowly, hoping it's a moment that is worth lasting…and it is. Claire is huddled into my chest deeply asleep, her right hand resting on my bare chest. And then I realize something besides Claire's presence, or an aspect of Claire's presence.

She wants to be beside me.

I replay last night in my head. She kissed me. We didn't say much, and I didn't mind. She was there in my arms, wanting to be there. She was so bold and confident in kissing me, not the way she had been all those years. It was assertive, mature, and sexy as hell.

She stirs ever so slightly; her eyes moving underneath her eyelids. I know she's awake for sure. Quickly, I close my eyes to pretend I'm asleep not wanting Claire to think I think I was creepily watching her. My breathing is too rapid, I'm nervous. Why should I be? We had only made out, maybe did a little more. I didn't ask questions. It didn't seem like she wanted to talk and I didn't want to make it more complicated. It was late, she slept here. No need to be worried…except we didn't say one word last night to each other, but it didn't feel like it was just physical. Could that just be the imprinting?

Her hand that was lightly resting on my chest moves and slides up to my shoulder. She stretches signaling that she is awake. Her head nuzzles her head in my neck and I open my eyes shocked at her movement.

"Morning," she whispers quietly.

Almost as an involuntary movement, my arm wraps around her waist and my head turns towards her and I place a kiss on Claire's soft forehead. "Morning," I whisper.

We lie there for a moment in silence, except for the sound of the birds chirping happily outside the window. I don't want to say anything that will overstep our silent boundary or truce. I don't want to make her run. It would hurt too badly after feeling her wanting to be beside me. But as the minutes linger on I know I have to say something. "Breakfast?" I ask quietly, sleep still in my voice.

"Sure," she whispers quietly.

Gently I sit up, helping her do so as well. She stands up behind me, and stumbles groggily. Taking her hand, I lead her towards the kitchen.

"Sorry, bathroom," she says as we pass the bathroom door.

I smile and nod. Once in the kitchen, I realize how little food I have in the house. I look like someone who doesn't entirely take care of himself at this moment. I'm usually not like this. Usually there's tons of food, especially with Embry's frequent food binge visits at my house after patrol. Looking through the cupboards I realize that every single one of them is empty, except for the plates and cups. Finally I open the fridge and see a note attached to the empty milk carton which read:

_Sorry, needed fuel. Knew you had company and didn't want to disturb you._

_-Embry_

...


	13. And Alive

**A/N: Hello! I was so excited because I finished! Finally! This has been on my to-do list for over a year! I still have an epilogue, and as always I didn't edit. But here it is the final chapter! The ending I decided on when I set out to write this story! I do apologize if it's not amazing, by any sense I'm sure it's far from. Enjoy!**

**-c.c**

* * *

For the first time in a long time, I'm not sore as I wake up. Also, I can tell that I'm incredibly happy, for reasons I'm not entirely sure. I remember Claire Embry stopping by yesterday, and Summer. And then Claire dropped by?

I open my eyes and find myself lying comfortably on my back in my bed. And then I feel it. The warm body next to me, cuddled up into my right side. Moving my eyes slowly, hoping it's a moment that is worth lasting…and it is. Claire is huddled into my chest deeply asleep, her right hand resting on my bare chest. And then I realize something besides Claire's presence, or an aspect of Claire's presence.

She wants to be beside me.

I replay last night in my head. She kissed me. We didn't say much, and I didn't mind. She was there in my arms, wanting to be there. She was so bold and confident in kissing me, not the way she had been all those years. It was assertive, mature, and sexy as hell.

She stirs ever so slightly; her eyes moving underneath her eyelids. I know she's awake for sure. Quickly, I close my eyes to pretend I'm asleep not wanting Claire to think I think I was creepily watching her. My breathing is too rapid, I'm nervous. Why should I be? We had only made out, maybe did a little more. I didn't ask questions. It didn't seem like she wanted to talk and I didn't want to make it more complicated. It was late, she slept here. No need to be worried…except we didn't say one word last night to each other, but it didn't feel like it was just physical. Could that just be the imprinting?

Her hand that was lightly resting on my chest moves and slides up to my shoulder. She stretches signaling that she is awake. Her head nuzzles her head in my neck and I open my eyes shocked at her movement.

"Morning," she whispers quietly.

Almost as an involuntary movement, my arm wraps around her waist and my head turns towards her and I place a kiss on Claire's soft forehead. "Morning," I whisper.

We lie there for a moment in silence, except for the sound of the birds chirping happily outside the window. I don't want to say anything that will overstep our silent boundary or truce. I don't want to make her run. It would hurt too badly after feeling her wanting to be beside me. But as the minutes linger on I know I have to say something. "Breakfast?" I ask quietly, sleep still in my voice.

"Sure," she whispers quietly.

Gently I sit up, helping her do so as well. She stands up behind me, and stumbles groggily. Taking her hand, I lead her towards the kitchen.

"Sorry, bathroom," she says as we pass the bathroom door.

I smile and nod. Once in the kitchen, I realize how little food I have in the house. I look like someone who doesn't entirely take care of himself at this moment. I'm usually not like this. Usually there's tons of food, especially with Embry's frequent food binge visits at my house after patrol. Looking through the cupboards I realize that every single one of them is empty, except for the plates and cups. Finally I open the fridge and see a note attached to the empty milk carton which read:

Sorry, needed fuel. Knew you had company and didn't want to disturb you.

-Embry

Angrily I crumple the note in my hand. Embry knows or thinks he knows.

As I sigh and close the refrigerator door, I hear my phone ringing from my bedroom. Dropping the crumpled up note from Embry, I run back through the hall to my bedroom and frantically fumble with the button to answer.

"Hello?" I manage breathlessly.

"It's Emily," her voice sounds at the other end of the line. "Some of your mail arrived at our house and I was going to bring it over on my way out to Seattle to meet some old friends, but Embry said you had a _Visitor _so I wanted to call first."

_Fuck you, Embry! _I think to myself. He can't even keep his mouth shut about one measly thing. I pace through my room, letting my mind catch up with Emily's words. "Yeah," I stutter out uneasily. "Stop by on your way out."

"Okay, will you still be home in an hour?" Emily asks lightheartedly.

"I plan on it, but if things change, you've got a key, will you just put them on my counter?" I say trying to keep up with her positive tone, knowing that if she suspects anything unusual she'll report that to Sam—and the gossip wheel over the untitled relationship between Claire and I will continue to turn.

"Alright, see you in a bit," Emily says as her departing line.

I hang up the phone and walk back through the hall, where the bathroom door is open, towards the kitchen.

"Claire?" I call. "Embry raided the kitchen. There's no food, but if you want to go out and get…"

I'm cut off by the empty kitchen and living room. Scanning the rooms there's no Claire to be found. I walk back to the bathroom, just to check. The open window provides the answers I'm looking for. I walk slowly up to it and see that it's been pulled open enough to where Claire's slender body could easily fit through and jump the three feet to the muddy unkempt flower bed below. There are the mud imprints, the remnants of Claire's visit, her footprints.

Escaping out the window? This seemed like the Claire I disliked the most. It wasn't the "I don't need to be protected" Claire of her young teenage days, the unsure but trying Claire when they had dated all those years ago, or the confident but sorry Claire when she came back from college. It was the Runaway Claire, who popped up every so often to run away from Quil instead of confronting what was going on, instead of giving a definite yes or no answer, or not standing her ground, always easily persuaded by Quil's presence.

I fucking hate Runaway Claire.

I stand at the window sill in the bathroom, staring at the footprints. Defeated I shake my head and wonder, as I often did after Claire made an unexplained or sudden exit, what the hell did I do to make her run?

* * *

I open every cupboard and drawer in my classroom checking for anything that I had left in them. The room looks so empty without the posters that I had up for the past four years.

"You know it always looks bigger when you leave then when you move in than when you move everything out," a somber voice says from the hallway. Embry walks slowly into the room, hands in his pockets.

"Summer doesn't mind you driving with me all the way to West Virginia?" I ask pulling out my desk drawer. It's empty, though I do see the small dent I put in the metal drawer when I punched down on it after the Thanksgiving that Claire visited her first year at college.

"Nah, I can never be tamed by a temptress like her," Embry smiles slyly.

"Wow," I say in disbelief. "I think that may have been your longest relationship, even though it was on again, off again. Glad to know you're out chasing tail again. No pun intended, sorry."

"Yeah," Embry replies, but then pauses and goes to sit on the nearest desk. "You know I remember moving you into this place. You thought this class room was so small. Now it looks so big."

"Yeah, my lecture hall will be about ten times the size and my office will be a shoebox." I pick up the small white box, the last of four that contained items from my classroom that were already in the uhaul with all the rest of my belongings from my house. Walking out of my classroom for the last time, Embry follows in pursuit and I flick off the light in the classroom for the last time.

We walk to the parking lot in the mist of a cloudy day in silence. Embry opens up the trailer and I place the last box inside. "I'll take the first leg?" Embry offers. I throw him the keys.

I watch the scenery as we drive out of Forks, saying goodbye to the places outside the reservation that had been simple staples in my life for the past thirty-six odd years. "You sure about this?" Embry says as we are about to hit the highway.

"What is there to be sure about?" I say. Glancing at Embry I know he means Claire. "Embry, she wouldn't stay. You know that. I saw her at the staff meeting for all teachers before the school year started and she did her best to stay away from me. There's no point. She's probably accepted that proposal of that Nick guy. And if she's happy, I'll find a way to be happy.

"And no," I warn. "You cannot tell me about her. Even if you know something about her and her life, you keep it to yourself, you hear that?"

Embry presses his lips together and focuses hard on the road, "Yeah I know. You've been telling me that for three weeks after she didn't return your calls, or even try to contact you."

"Not even if you know something good that would make me happy. Don't try to get my hopes up," I interject into the speech I've been making to everyone for weeks.

"Because Claire is a restless soul. Blah. Blah. Blah," Embry says and we drive in silence for a minute and I hoped he could tell that I didn't want to talk about her. "You know I won't fly out to drive you home when you can't live without the constant rain or Claire."

"She's made up her mind Embry," I say coldly. "Drop it." He pissed me off.

Embry and I rarely fought over something serious that couldn't be resolved within an hour or two, but after driving for two states the unsettled feeling still remained. Embry had crossed a line and he knew it. He was too optimistic about the relationship between Claire and I that simply didn't exist. Every time Embry brought her up, no matter how much I hinted or said I didn't want to talk about it, it brought back the feeling of resentment I had towards Claire and now the final feeling of being defeated.

Finally, as to feel as if I am not taking out my frustrations of my relationship with Claire on Embry I forgive him. "If I do come back to the reservation, you _will_ be coming out to help me. You owe me for every single time I played wingman for you since we were sixteen."

"True man, but I think I'll try to come up with some other ways to resolve that debt," Embry laughs and the tension that we'd been driving with simply fades. He is well aware that I don't want Claire to be mentioned anymore. His posture changes at the wheel, instead of leaning into the window, he sits straight in the seat.

We stop for lunch and Embry buys, more out of an apology rather than the convenience that he claimed. I drove the next leg, while Embry texted frantically for hours. "Summer?" I ask confused having never seen him text more words that "yes," "no," and "sounds like a plan."

"Yeah," he says uncertainly and shifts uncomfortably towards the window, his two day old grey t-shirt was wrinkled from his position. I looked down to see that my red one resembled the same state, but maybe not as bad.

I glance at him from the corner of my eye but try to keep my eyes on the road as my exit toward my new hometown approaches. Then it dawns upon me and I say, "oh god, you're sexting while I'm in the car."

My accusation makes him laugh almost uncontrollably. "No, I'm just arranging a flight home because mine got cancelled. I'm trying to get a flight that's almost at the same time on another airline."

"Oh," I say embarrassed. "I didn't know airline's now texted."

"Well they do," he says shortly before looking back down at his phone. "You're going to miss your exit."

"Shit," I exhale and swerve over two lanes, the uhaul screeching behind my truck. I gain control of the truck again and follow the exit that leads towards my new home. After a half hour more of driving I ask Embry, "You want to grab a bite in town before we get to the house?"

Embry agrees. My new town appears somewhat like a movie, pristine streets with matching street lamps, antique like bike racks, and sapling trees lining the sidewalks. The whimsical storefronts which had probably been 'mom and pop' store at one time and kept their classic store fronts but now had become upscale art galleries, photo studios, and restaurants of varying class. I found two parking spots parallel to the shops, just three store fronts down from a small diner on the corner, and park my truck and the trailer.

Embry continues to text intermediately throughout dinner and dawdles ordering, eating, and insisting on dessert. "Unlike you I'm a hungry, active wolf," he claims in justification.

I roll my eyes. Committing to preventing the shifts between my two states had been a hard change but I had completed it. I was supposed to be aging just like Claire. A twinge of regret hit me when I thought about her and leaving her.

Embry checks his phone one last time before taking the bill and paying it. "Ready?" he asks.

We leave the diner and I note that it might become my usual spot. As we walk towards my truck I scuff my feet in the slate sidewalk, kicking random stones, but Embry slows down, dawdling and looking in shop windows. "You know how I told you I'd repay you for all those years you played wingman for me?" Embry asks staring at a painting in a closed gallery window, pretending to be interested.

I stop and look at him, questioning. "What you're going to buy me an overpriced, ugly painting?"

"No," he says turning to me, hands in his jean pockets. "No, your repayment is leaning against your truck."

My eyebrows pressed together in a puzzled expression and I turn back to my truck. There leaning her back against my truck, hands in her blue sweatshirt pocket, staring at her red converse shoes, was Claire. My heart leaps and I stand there in happy shock. Embry claps me on the shoulder and asks, "Do I owe you anything anymore?"

I don't answer him but simply walk towards her, excited but cautious. She looks up, apologetic smile upon her face when she meets my stare and pushes against the truck to stand straight in front of me. I stop four feet in front of her, aching to reach and touch her, but painfully holding myself back in fear of rejection.

My breathing is heavy as I stare at her.

"I flew here," she says. I can hear fear in her voice. "And I took a horrid smelling cab."

She pauses, presses her lips together, and looks down at her feet, slowly moving her hands from her sweatshirt pocket to the back pockets of her jean shorts. I can tell that it's suddenly hard for her to speak and I have that conflicted feeling whether or not to reach out to her. She inhales and exhales sharply.

She looks up. "I'm sorry. "

She pauses again and the urge to slip the little piece of hair that had fallen from her pony tail behind her ear was harder to repress.

"I'm not really good at apologies and tying to make things right," Claire says as her voice goes to a slightly higher pitch and begins talk faster. "But—um—I'm sorry.

"I'm sorry for ambushing you here. I'm sorry for making Embry lie to you and text me on how to get here," she continues. "Well those are my current apologies.

"And I'm sorry for showing up, and then running away, and not talking to you after and not showing up until now, obviously," she rambles beginning to talk with her hands. "And for all the on and off stuff, and leading you on –and I should probably tell one more time that I'm sorry for everything and I want to make amends," she says out of breath after her exhausted ramble.

Shock. Pure shock. I repress the smile that I so desperately want to spread across. I don't want to be mislead by all of this.

She suddenly needs to fill the silence, like she's finally saying all the thoughts that she had held inside for all these years. She always was over thinking. "I never liked the idea of this imprinting and destiny—and you knew that I was going to fight it no matter what. But it comes down to the fact that that summer, I really, really liked you, but I wanted a normal college experience. And I got it! And I loved it. I loved Nick," she begins talking really fast again.

It's good that I repressed my urge to kiss her now. She's dashing my dreams of everything by proclaiming that she's in love with Nick.

"But I came home and you were still the same, but so different. And then I couldn't help myself all those times, cheating on Nick repeatedly. And then I realized that I wasn't being a good person to either of you. So I broke up with Nick and I avoided you like the plague. And I was sick of the whole tribe trying to manipulate, give an opinion, and trying to fix our relationship," she says and she tucks the piece of hair that I wanted to tuck earlier. "And then I decided to finally do what I should have done a long time ago, and mostly because Embry and the rest of the tribe were all giving me a guilt trip because I made them promise not to tell you that I broke up with Nick and I wanted to stop you before you moved, but then I realized that you gave up your job so you were going to move here anyways, but also because I realized that I might actually, really like you."

She exhales sharply once again and ends by claiming, "Wow, that was a really long sentence."

"Are you done?" I ask.

She only nods.

I'm ready for the real test. I keep a straight face and say, "I love you."

She walks forward apprehensively appraising my reaction. When she's two inches away from me, she looks up at me, takes her hands from her pockets, presses them lightly against my stomach, looks up and me, and says, "I know."

I lean down and kiss her underneath the street light, right next to the bike racks, almost the happiest I've ever been because she didn't run away. For the first time there is no apprehension. I hold her face as I kiss her and Embry wolf whistles in the background. When I let her go, we press our foreheads against each others.

"You're debt's repaid Embry," I say loudly so he can hear me. Claire laughs and I revel in her smile.

He chuckles in response.

I lean down and kiss her again, finally happy that Claire had stopped thinking.


End file.
